2.218: The Follow Up

The following is a continuation from my previous post.

Tuesday:  I travelled alone on Tuesday.  I had lunch at Natalie-Jane's Restaurant's "new" location in town and had the Natalie-Jane Burger (smaller than I remembered but delicious nonetheless even though the burger was cooked beyond my medium preference) coupled with a pasta salad (also delicious and a surprisingly good compliment to a burger).  During lunch, I decided on whether or not to go to the Academy Sports & Outdoors in Anderson, SC or Gainesville; I choose Gainesville.  But, why Anderson?  Anderson was an option because I was in the market for some new Carolina Panthers merchandise and I had serious doubts about whether or not a sports store located in the same county as the Atlanta Falcons training facility would carry apparel from a division rival; my doubts were correct.  While I was unable to locate any Panthers apparel, I did manage to find some new shoes: the Nike Downshifter 6 (for $39.99 + tax).  After I finished at Academy Sports, I checked out the Hobby Lobby because I had nothing better to do and it was located in the same shopping centre. When I was finished at Hobby Lobby, I stopped by Ross Dress for Less, Hibbett Sports, and Marshalls (in that order).  Surprisingly, the tripped kept me occupied for much longer than I thought it would.

Wednesday:  It was another solo day of travelling.  For Wednesday, I drove to the Tanger Outlets in Banks Crossing where I browsed the Lids, VF, and Nike stores as well as a discount book store. At Lids, I saw a couple of Atlanta Hawks knit caps that were advertised 2 for $20 though each knit cap sold individually for $29.99 so it may have been a mistake.  After I finished at the outlet mall, I stopped by the faux Krispy Kreme Doughnut store for an original glazed doughnut and a raspberry filled doughnut.  I call it a faux Krispy Kreme because the store does not make its doughnuts on-site. Doughnuts are shipped in from either another store or from a centralised facility and simply reheated on-site, which makes for an odd tasting doughnut because it sits in the cooking oil twice.

Thursday:  It was an early and long day that started with a 7 AM alarm.  At 8 AM, I arrived at my grandfather's house to accompany him and my aunt to a 9 AM medical appointment in Gainesville. While I waited for my grandfather and aunt to conclude their appointment, I visited Lakeshore Mall and Target.  The appointments were done at about 10:30 AM and we headed home though our original plans included lunch at Niko Niko Sushi in Buford, but my grandfather had vomited while waiting for the physician and he was feeling poorly at the time.  As we were heading home, my aunt decided that she would take me out for lunch if we could convince my mother to watch my grandfather while we ate; we did and we picked her up at the house.  When we returned to my grandfather's house, I napped while my aunt drained fluids from my grandfather.  By the time all of the fluids were drained, my grandfather was feeling better and was up for some lunch.  So we convinced my mother to join us and we had lunch in Niko Niko.  We eat a lot whenever we go and this day was no exception.  We had tempura calamari, shrimp and vegetable tempura, pork gyoza, tofu and vegetable soup, two Flying Dragon rolls, a Rainbow roll, and a Fiesta roll--all of which was delicious!  Following lunch, my aunt and mother wanted to do some shopping since we will be celebrating my grandfather's birthday this weekend (his birthday is on February 1) so I took them to Assi Plaza in Suwanee (according to the sisters, it was smaller and more expensive than the Pleasant Hill location) and the Great Wall Supermarket in Duluth.  It was a long day that ran from 8 AM until about 6 PM.  But, I was not done because while we were heading down to Buford for lunch, my other aunt called asking if I would accompany her to have her taxes prepared at a (shady) tax preparation office.  Instead of taking her to see the shady tax preparer, I tried my hand at preparing her taxes via TurboTax; I was successful and I saved my aunt $200.  I was so proud of my success that when I finally returned home, I prepared my mother's taxes.

Friday:  I spent much more time at home than I would have liked, but a 2:55 PM Manchester United FA Cup fixture will cause such an issue.  By the way, Manchester United won!  After the match, I had dinner at Burger King and headed to Gwinnett for another Atlanta Gladiators game; they lost.  On the way home, I stopped by Krystal in Oakwood for my second meal of the day.

Anyways, this concludes this portion of the week.

2.216: Keeping Busy

Note:  There is a difference between being "busy" and being "productive".

On Sunday, I travelled to Gwinnett County where I ate lunch at a "hole-in-the-wall" Cantonese barbeque restaurant located in the food court of the Great Wall Supermarket.  I was craving dim sum but ended up eating soy sauce chicken over rice (on the recommendation of a Yelp! review and because I was not sure about how to order dim sum).  The chicken was mediocre and I left disappointed with the joint despite its strong Yelp! reviews.  Afterwards, I made my way over to Sweet Hut Bakery & Cafe in search of a Nutella Danish that I tried during a prior visit; it was sold out.  I settled for a curry chicken bun (sweeter than I prefer for a savoury item), a Nutella chocolate bun (solid with just a tad too much chocolate filling), a hazelnut Nutella doughnut (I have a thing for Nutella and this did not satisfy my craving with its dried-out dough), and a Sweet Hut milk tea "topped" with honey boba pearls (delicious though I wish I had ordered either the strawberry or taro milk tea instead of the Sweet Hut specialty).  Following my solo escapades into Cantonese dining and Nutella-based sweets, I met up with my friend Louis at Taco Mac in Duluth to watch the conclusion of the AFC Conference Championship game and most of the NFC Conference Championship game; I had an enjoyable time though my food was not-so-delicious.  I was still filled with my soy sauce chicken from earlier so I only ate sweet potato fries (a disappointment for the second time--I forgot I had tried the fries before) and an order of the "oven-baked" mac and cheese (a terrible idea--the mac and cheese came out cold and bland).  After Taco Mac and the triumph of the Carolina Panthers, Louis and I stopped by Steak 'n' Shake for milkshakes and I had the Nutella milkshake because why would I not?

On Monday, I was called into duty by one of my aunts early in the morning.  Initially, I was to watch my grandfather and wait for the delivery of his kidney dialysis fluids while my aunt went to rotate her tires and have one of the tires patched (nail).  Instead, I went to the tire repair shop while she remained with my grandfather.  The shop was quick and I was in-and-out in under an hour, which afforded me the time to stop by Chick-fil-A for breakfast.  As I was returning to the house, I received a phone call from another aunt asking if I would accompany her to her workplace to complete her application for temporary unemployment benefits.  Afterwards, she, my little cousin, and I had dinner at a local Chinese buffet--the selection is small, but the fried chicken wings are delicious--where I was reminded of how I loathe eating out with small children.  Following lunch, I swung by the house to pick up my mother and I returned to my grandfather's house to continue waiting for the medical supply shipment while he, my mother, and my aunt travelled to Gainesville for a medical appointment.  To kill the time, I read some comics, eat the treats I purchased from Sweet Hut the day before, and rubbed one out to a video of this incredibly attractive Thai woman being pounded by some sleazy white dude; I have very little shame and I am feeling bold this evening.  Anyways, the shipment never arrived, but I did complete an application for a position in Marietta.

I could go on, but I will not because I am tired and the vision of me beating off seems like a good spot to stop.

2.215: The Body Politick

I removed myself from politics following the historic campaign season of 2008.  I say that I moved away from politics because I became wary of the competitive and cut-throat political environment, but that is not the whole truth.  The main reason I left politics is because I was an immature idiot that lost his virginity to the wife of a county committee chair who, at the time, I considered a friend.  That is right--I was a party to an extramarital affair with a woman over a decade my senior and I could no longer face the man I once considered a friend.

There are times when I reflect upon what I missed out on because I could not overcome my desperateness to lose my virginity and I wonder:  "Was it worth it?"  Sadly, I would answer that it was worth it because (1) I was no longer a virgin and (2) I wanted her.  Yet, at the same time, I regret my decision and all of the consequences that came from it.  If I had been able to resist the urge to engage her in escapades, who knows what may have happened in my life?

Anyways, I wanted to get this off my chest (somewhat).  As for politics, I suppose it is not too late to reenter the fray, but the question I must answer is whether or not I actually want to return to that world.  As of now, I do not have an answer.

2.213: #KeepPounding

I was going to write about the latest Atlanta United news:

- Atlanta United's affiliate partnership with USL side Charleston Battery

- Construction of the Mercedez Benz Stadium delayed three months

- Atlanta United signs its first player in club history

I was going to write about all of these topics, but I did not want to have to put my own foot in my mouth if I made an incorrect (or ill-informed) statement.

Instead, I will talk about another sports-related topic:  Super Bowl 50.  Primarily, I want to discuss the Carolina Panthers and their remarkable run to the Super Bowl.  As a long time Panthers supporter (who did stray off the path along the way, but eventually found his way back home), I cannot express just how proud I am of this team.  From the 15-1 regular season record to its remarkable performances during the NFC Playoffs (minus the second half of the Seattle Seahawks game), the Panthers have proven themselves worth of their own success despite the naysayers and the haters.  When the Panthers were still undefeated, the pundits called the Panthers "the worst 14-0 team in NFL history" while singing the praises of the Seahawks, the Arizona Cardinals, and the New England Patriots.  In fact, it was not until the Patriots lost its second-straight game that the Panthers claimed the top spot in the ESPN NFL Power Rankings and then after the Panthers fell to the Atlanta Falcons; the Panthers fell behind the Cardinals despite having lost only one game.

And now, even after securing their position in the Super Bowl in dominating fashion, a 49-15 win over the Cardinals, the headlines coming out of Conference Championship weekend are about Peyton Manning and whether or not the Super Bowl will be his last professional game and whether or not he can go out a champion.  But, that is okay because the Panthers and members of the Panthers Nation know what we have and we know that we have the ability and the talent to cap off an incredible season with a Super Bowl win.  Actually, before I progress, I do want to step back from the notion that the media is ignoring the Panthers completely.  I am wrong in making such an assertion because there is one Panthers-related topic that the media relishes in discussing:  Cam Newton.

Source: nojillnolife.tumblr.com

From Newton's on-field celebratory dances to the off-field birth of his first child with his longtime girlfriend, the media loves to criticize Newton in a manner that one would never see towards Manning or Tom Brady.  Now, I am not going to defend Newton because it is unnecessary; Newton has defended himself time and time again in a more impactful and tactful manner than I can even imagine.  What I will say is this:  if an individual can easily seat at his keyboard and attempt to tear down a man with such an incredible zeal for the game and love for his community such as Newton, then there is no convincing that person otherwise because his heart is filled with such vitriol that it is beyond redemption.

Source:  USA Today Sports Images (?)

In conclusion, I am looking forward to the Super Bowl this year and I look forward to seeing Cam and the Panthers lift the Vince Lombardi Trophy *knocks on wood*.  Until next time, DFTBA!

2.202: Stacks of Cash

I have no clue what I am going to write about this evening because my initial topic, the demise of the Atlanta Silverbacks, is old news.  I considered a personal piece discussing my opinions and thoughts on the Atlanta Silverbacks organization, but I realized that I no connection to the club.  Yes, I had been to a handful of matches during their most recent stint, but I had not been to a match since Soccer Bowl 2013 (now called “The Championship”).  So, I decided against writing about another topic of which I held little familiarity.  Instead, I will say this in regards to the situation:

It is always terrible to lose a professional sports organization because it creates a feeling amongst supporters that we did not do enough to save our club.  But, the reality of the matter is that professional sports organizations are businesses and businesses with poor management (or no management in the case of the Silverbacks) will fail.  As followers of professional sports, the best course of action is to lament briefly and move on to another club.

On another note, Major League Soccer (MLS) held its Super Draft today and Sporting Kansas City (SKC) selected with the eleventh overall pick of the Super Draft:

😎 #SuperDraft pic.twitter.com/EaV00MYpUZ

— Sporting Kansas City (@SportingKC) January 14, 2016

Actually, SKC traded the pick to DC United in exchange for an undisclosed amount of Targeted Allocation Money (TAM—a financial mechanism devised by MLS to lessen the actual impact of a high-waged, non-Designated Player’s salary on the club’s salary cap figure).  Of course, saying your club has selected a table full of stacked cash is much more entertaining.

Anyways, I have been having a good day despite my Friday evening plans being canceled (Get well soon BH’s granny!). So, good evening and DFTBA!

2.201: Panic!

Today, I will be discussing sports.  Specifically, I will be discussing soccer (or football).  Let's begin:

Yesterday, Manchester United, Newcastle United, and West Ham United had Premier League fixtures.  The first two United clubs, Manchester and Newcastle, faced each other at St. James' Park while West Ham traveled to Bournemouth. I mention this because of a humorous tweet I read that said:

What we're going to learn from the upcoming scoreless draw between @NUFC & @ManUtd is that West Ham is the best United in the @premierleague

— Jimmy Conrad (@JimmyConrad) January 12, 2016

Well, the Manchester United match against Newcastle United did not end in a scoreless draw rather it was 3:3 draw, but West Ham did defeat their opponents, Bournemouth, 1:3. So, Jimmy Conrad was (sort of) correct, at least, on this day. But, the Manchester United draw at St. James' Park is part of what I wanted to discuss because while a six-goal draw away from home is nothing to feel entirely bad about; it is the manner in which the draw occurred that is disappointing.

For starters, Manchester was ahead of Newcastle on two different occasions.  First, Manchester went ahead by two goals (Wayne Rooney and Jesse Lingard) before conceding two goals to Newcastle. Then, Manchester went ahead with eleven minutes remaining in regular time courtesy of a beautiful strike from Rooney before conceding the equalizer in extra time.  To pile on the misery, Manchester had more than their fair share of chances to seal the match and earn the full three points, but Lingard soared an open shot over the crossbar from within the goalkeeper's box and Marouane Fellaini drove a free header directly into the arms of Newcastle's goalkeeper.  Also, did I mention that Newcastle is currently in next to last place (nineteenth) in the Premier League?

Yesterday's result is only the tip of an ever-growing iceberg that threatens to sink Manchester United's chances for a Premier League title or a Champions League position. In Manchester United's last six league matches, Manchester has won one match while drawing two and losing three!  During this stretch, there has been ongoing speculation about the job security of manager Louis Van Gaal. Initially, I was in the "Keep LVG" camp unless Manchester United could secure Pep Guardiola as their new manager, but I am having second thoughts about my position and it is because I see little, if any, improvement.

I will say this about the position of Manchester United manager (because I have not really said much of anything so far); Manchester United should not hire Jose Mourinho.  I do not care about his desire to manage Manchester United, I do not care about his overall track record of success, and I am saying this as an admirer of the man.  Jose Mourinho is notorious for wrecking team chemistry, employing boring tactics, and neglecting youth development (i.e. the "Special One" comes with serious baggage).

Now, having made this statement, I am aware of the reports strongly linking Guardiola to rivals Manchester City.  So, what happens if Manchester United are unable to get Pep?  First, you terminate LVG's contract at the end of the campaign because Manchester United cannot sit idle while their city rivals continue to make progress.  Then, Manchester United need to make a decision concerning Ryan Giggs.  Will Manchester United's board throw Giggs straight into the fire with incredibly limited managerial experience?  Personally, I would prefer Giggs to take a position at a lower-tier club, but I will admit that it would be strange to see a Giggs-less sideline at Old Trafford.  If not Pep or Giggs, then who?  Frankly, only one name comes to mind:  Diego Simeone of Atletico Madrid. Simeone has the proven himself a more than capable manager--challenging the two pillars of Spanish football on a consistent basis, winning La Liga, winning the Copa del Rey, winning the Euro League, and reaching the finals of the Champions League.  While I would still prefer Pep, I would have no qualms with Simeone receiving the nod.

Anyways, I have "discussed" Manchester United for longer than I had planned and I actually had some other topics I wanted to discuss (e.g. the end of the Atlanta Silverbacks), but I think I will hold off on any further discussion because this post has gone on for too long.  SEE YA AND DFTBA!

2.199: Sleeping Struggle

Another early post--this could turn into a habit, but I doubt it.

First, RIP David Bowie. I'm unfamiliar with his works beyond his major hit tracks, but those tracks were incredible and I have only the utmost respect for the individuals that choose to create their own path rather than follow the crowd.

Second (and more to the point of this post), a thought: "Some people never learn while others will never make the effort." Or a more familiar:

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice (and then a third time and a fourth time and for good measure a fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth time), shame on me for deliberately choosing to remain fucking ignorant!

So, my mother did it (like I and everyone else I knew she would), she bailed out the good-for-nothing, remorseless piece-of-shit. She did it yesterday and my only consolation is that I had no involvement--I wasn't even present--when she made yet another mistake clouded behind the precept of motherly love and obligation. I knew the moment she came into contact with him, it was over. Over in the sense that my lonely struggle to protect her from not only him but herself was done and over in the sense that I have lost a great deal of respect for her in that she would foolishly place others in this family at harm. Honestly, the piece-of-shit is a lowly drug pusher with a chip on his shoulder and the intelligence of a middle schooler. That sort of combination is terrifying in the sense that this piece-of-shit is incredibly likely to act out in a way that'll lead to pissing off the wrong people--the sort of people that can be just as remorseless but also incredibly ruthless. 

It is with a great deal of remorse that I must say that I have lost so much respect for my mother and that damage she willingly inflicted upon myself and potentially others may be untenable. I truly loathe this feeling, but I cannot with good conscious believe in her anymore. I made a promise to myself to try and be more positive and avoid the negative, but this situation makes it clear that I'm only making more difficult on myself if I choose to continue on this path.

2.198: A Party of Two

So, that holiday party I mentioned in my last post...not quite what I had planned. For starters, I'm not a social creature so to enter a social environment alone is terrifying to me. So because I was going to meet up with Mark, I made the choice to arrive late thinking that a 6.5 hour get together would not really pop off until a couple hours after the announced start time...WRONG! By the time Mark and I arrived, dinner had been served and the tables cleared. My primary consolation was the free Starbucks Pike Roast coffee that I had three cups to drink. I mean it was nice to get away from the house and it's always nice to hang out with a good friend, but he and I could have done that and I could have avoided the nearly 1.5 hour drive in wet conditions. I know that it is our own faults but would it have hurt them to splurge on a few snacks? Well, I cannot blame the organizers for our tardiness. It was nice to see a few familiar faces even if we only chatted for a few minutes and it is always a pleasure being around people with similar interests even if I am behind the times in regards to anime. Also, I did stop by a Taco Mac on the way back and their wings are still delicious though their ranch dipping sauce is kind of bleh--I prefer bleu cheese and that is what I got but the waitress gave me a cup of ranch too. Anyways, I've no plans for the next few days, which means I am stuck at the house with no Internet until tomorrow when I finally force my ISP to finally give me a new modem and my thoughts (which is always a dangerous situation). Also, I'm late on my student loan bill because I couldn't fax my request for forebearance to the loan company (issues with their lines not mine since I was using an online fax service). But, I will continue to try and better myself despite the feeling that everything is out to prevent that from occurring. GOOD BYE!

2.197: Party Rocking

I'm posting earlier than usual (still Internet at the house) because I may or may not be around to post at my usual time because Mark, my friend from yesterday, and I are planning to attend a "holiday" party that's being hosted by the anime convention that we volunteer at. I'm not much for "partying" or socializing with people I'm unfamiliar with, but I could definitely use a getaway from all of the bad stuff that's been happening recently. Anyways, that's what I'm hopefully doing and why I'm posting now. Also, I spoke with my ISP and they said our new modem should arrive today, but they also said it would be 2-3 days from Monday. At least, they're giving us a $10 credit for not having access to service for the past week. SEE YA!

2.196: Roadtripping

When I get bored, I drive...alone. But, from time to time, I have company and that's nice. Today, my companion was my former coworker, Billy. Basically, I took him comic shopping and we grabbed lunch at Sugarloaf Mills--my lunch was not very good but I expected that to be the case. We only ate there because we were meeting another friend, Mark. Anyways, I am tired and going on about four hours of sleep. Good night!

2.195: Not in 2016

My past few posts (mainly, my last post) are not what 2016 is about for me. 2016 is about positivity, being better and leaving all of that negativity behind me. If you're about that lifestyle, then I'm not about you and you see yourself out the door--SEE YA! Now, getting back on track--I'm still without proper a Internet connection, but I'm making it work. As for today, I got a haircut, ate at Five Guys with my dad, and I dropped by my grandpa's house. As for narrowing the focus of this site, I'm still working on it. Anyways, I'm looking for to more good stuff and less bad stuff in the year ahead. GOOD NIGHT!

2.193: Avoiding Trouble

I am avoiding a problem.

I made references to this problem in my last post and despite saying I would let this problem go; it is eating at me and I need to say something.

First, my mother's other son is currently in jail. He was arrested on January 1 on possession charges.

On January 2, I took my mother to get her car (which he had taken for his own use over two months ago) from the impound lot (cost: $125).

On Sunday evening, he attempted to contact my mother via a collect call; he failed because my mother's English is limited and she did not know how to accept his call (which would have cost her more money). At this point, I used I blocked the 800-number of the collect call as well as the county jail's number on her phone--so no more calls from him (at least, not to her phone).

Yesterday (January 4), he called my phone and left a message to tell my mother (and father) to come get him out of jail. I deleted the voice mail and blocked the number on my phone. Later,I received a text message from an unknown number telling me that he had asked me to tell my mother that his bond had been set at $10,000 (yes, you read that right). I have not told her or my father yet, but I did speak with my aunt and uncle about it and I'm sure if I do not say something to her soon; she will hear it from them. I have chosen not to tell her about the bond (or bail) yet because I know that despite her initial protests and statements saying she would leave him in jail; she does not have it in her to remain stern. And I have not unblocked the phone numbers I have blocked on her phone yet because I know that once she speaks to him, he will (1) make it known that I have been withholding information (though I have a certain degree of deniability) and (2) manipulate my mother into doing something she (nor anyone in our family) cannot afford to do; bail him out.

If you cannot tell, my mother's other son is the cause of my current misery and unbeknownst to my mother; he is the cause of our family's troubles. If it were up to me, he would remain in jail until his court date at which time he should be sentence to the maximum sentence and, perhaps, rehabilitation. This is first drug offense though he has been involved in the business for years, but this is not his first run in with the law.

His initial incident was disturbing the peace related violation as well as a few other misdemeanor traffic violations though law enforcement could have easily popped him for possession of an unregistered firearm. My father at the insistence of my mother bailed him out.  He had his driver's license suspended for a year though he still chose to drive.

The second time came the very weekend after receiving his driver's license back from suspension. He was popped for DUI and underage consumption. I believe his father bailed him out this round though it could have easily been my mother again. I believe they suspended his license again and placed him on probation.

These are the incidents that I'm aware of though I'm actually pretty certain that there was another incident. Oh and let's not forget the most recent incident with the 14 or so dogs in which city code enforcement very nearly had him arrested when he decided to aggressively protest the citations handed to him. This particular incident cost my mother $600 in fees for removing the dogs from our property and it could have been much worse if they had decided to arrest the property owner, my father. Also, the citations he received totaled $1000, which he would have had no means of paying because he refuses to find work. So that would've been another $1000 out of my mother's hands.

I do not have to say it because the evidence speaks for itself: he is a remorseless menace that will intentionally harm my mother because of her misguided beliefs about her role as a mother.  There is one thing to lend a helping hand to a child that has gone astray, but it is an entirely different thing to simply enable the problem child. At some point, she has to stop to herself and realize that he has to take some responsibility and learn the hard way.

Anyways, I have this out there to give some insight into the issues in find myself dealing with and why I have to work so hard to do what's right for me. To do what makes me happy and seeing my mother get used does not make me happy, especially, when it is a family member abusing her kindness and generosity.

2.192: No Net, No Problems?

Okay, I'm lying. There are a few problems but I'm still posting (via the Blogger's horrid iOS app) and I can go to my local library and knock out my Code Academy lesson for the day. Anyways, DSL will be down for a few days while I wait for a new modem to arrive. For now, I'm going to keep this short and just say that people need to know just how serious I am about cutting out the negative elements in my life. In the short-term, it is going to cause me a ton of grief because I am going to feel guilt-ridden about cutting someone or something out of my life, but I cannot be beholden to the sort of torment that is brought about by its or their presence. I am trying to do better in 2016 and in order to be better, I have to surround myself with positivity. That's all for tonight--have a good one!

2.191: Today's Silver Lining

Today has not been easy.  The growing unrest caused by the arrest of my mother's other son is creating tension between my parents and me.  I wrote about this on a more personal medium and I will leave it there because that does not help me become better and it allows the negativity I am trying to weed out of my life to further seep in.  Instead, I am going to focus on the positives of today and I will start by sending a shout out to the Carolina Panthers!

The Carolina Panthers finished the regular season with a 15-1 record following a 38-10 thumping of divisional rivals, Tampa Bay.  The win clinched home field advantage throughout the playoffs for the Panthers, which is always a nice perk to have during the postseason when all of the games are "win or go home".

Aside from the Panthers, I want to shout out the New York Jets and Buffalo Bills for playing an excellent game in which the Jets lost not only the game but their chance at clinching a playoff berth. The Jets' loss coupled with a win by the Pittsburgh Steelers against the hapless (and now, coachless and GM-less) Cleveland Browns meant the Steelers secured the final spot in the AFC playoffs.

And one more shout out to the New Orleans Saints for beating the Atlanta Falcons.  You can call it schadenfreude if you want, but I love seeing the Falcons lose and this loss is, even more, satisfying because it came a week after the Falcons shattered the Panthers' hopes of making history and becoming only the third team in NFL history (and the first in NFC history) to finish the NFL regular season undefeated.  Of course, the Falcons loss at the hands of the Saints serves as a stinging reminder of just how poorly the Panthers played last week that they would lose to such a poor team.

In a non-American football note, my beloved Manchester United finally (finally) ended their eight-match winless skid on Saturday when they defeated Swansea City, 2-1, courtesy of a beautiful back heel from captain Wayne Rooney, who also ended a goalless skid as well as put himself into second place for all-time goals scored in Premier League history and for Manchester United.  Congratulations Wayne!

2.190: Limitless Optimism

For 2016, I am going to try and focus my writing more.  In the past, I have typically written about nothing in particular.  In one post, I may vent and express personal outrage about something that has happened in my life while in another post; I would review (or try to review) a book, film, or television series.  In other words, I was all over the place in my writing and yet nowhere at all or to put it bluntly; I was clueless (or without purpose).

Over the next few weeks, I intend on expanding upon the Finding My Passion series of posts, but I am hellbent on identifying one to three topics in which I will focus most of my writing on in 2016 (or until I turn 33).  But, for now, I will continue expressing personal observations and writing about the technical aspects of this journal because this site is a personal archive of opinions and thoughts.  And who knows? This could be a good thing!

By the way, if you were wondering about some of the topics I am considering focusing on, here is an abridged list:  books, comics, films, music, sports, television, politics, gaming, anime, social issues, searching for employment, food, social media, and much more.  It is unnecessary to say it, but I have a lot of things to consider and not much time to consider it.  Wish me luck!

2.189: 2016

Hooray!  Happy 2016!

In 2016, I resolve to be more positive, to be less negative, and to do better every single day. 

I know that these goals sound vague and that is the point.  For 2016, I have made the decision to focus more on my mental and emotional health and it starts with embracing goodness and extracting darkness.

Of course, I will still set tangible goals, but my overarching resolutions for the new year is to take care of my mind because a sound mind leads to a sound body (and vice versa).

So, in the final few minutes of the first day of 2016, I wish you a Happy New Year!

2.186: Excuses

I'm a procrastinator.

I will not deny it.  In fact, I relish in this fact.

Of course, procrastination is detrimental to my productivity and slacking is something I cannot afford now.

I often contemplate taking measures to remedy this behavior, but nothing comes from my "efforts".

Why?  To be frank, it is because (1) I am lazy and (2) I enjoy creating excuses and then drafting posts about these excuses to publish.

The former reason for my inability to overcome procrastination is self-explanatory.

The latter reason requires further explanation, but not too much explanation.  Basically, it boils down to the fact that creating excuses and then writing about the excuses allows me to (1) increase my post count and (2) procrastinate more.

If I spent as much time on being productive as I do on creating excuses for not being productive, then this issue would be resolved.  But it is never that easy and even if I resolved this issue, I would still need to figure out how to overcome my laziness and that is an exercise that would require far more resolve than I currently possess.

I am writing all of this because I am procrastinating and not focusing on finding my passion.  For now, I will say that I am going to wait until 2016, but I am not too confident about the prospects of any sort of advancement in my journey.  Also, I am not in the mood to carry much from 2015 into 2016 because I simply want this year to end and I want to leave the final quarter of the year in the past. Excuses

2.180: Airing of Grievances

Less than ten minutes before the conclusion of Festivus and while I have no pole nor anyone to compete with at feats of strength, I could not let this opportunity to express some grief pass.  Here we go!

#1

I hate the belief that I am required to care about an individual simply because I share a bloodline with them.  In my opinion, the idea of family goes beyond blood--it involves a deep-rooted respect for an individual and an expectation that he/she will (1) have your back and (2) not hurt you or others you care about (physically and/or emotionally).

I could go on about this point and I just may at some point down the line, but for now: GRIEVANCES!

#2

I hate the fact that I have little control over my life and that my life is often in the hands of petty and small individuals.  I understand that a large portion of the blame lies upon my shoulders, but I have lived my life according to the rules of others and I have seen very little in the means of payoff.

#3

I hate supporters of Seattle sports teams (with the exception of Mariners fans because I do not know any and I do not care about baseball).  To be honest, I am not certain of why I feel the way I feel--I suppose you have to pick one sports city to hate and Seattle is it for me.

Anyways, enough for now. Happy Festivus (or what is left)!

2.179: Stuff I Fancy

Star Wars:  The Force Awakens

I loved the film and I would highly recommend it to anyone, especially, if they would not mind me tagging along because I would definitely watch it again.  I will admit that I am not an overzealous fanboy of the franchise, but I will also admit that there were moments during the film that made me fanboy squeal internally.  Anyways, I could go into further details about why I enjoyed the film, but there are plenty of glowing reviews available to read that would do this film far more justice than what I could offer.  BUT SERIOUSLY, GO SEE IT (and may the Force be with you)!

2.177: Stuff I Fancy

Before I continue on my search for enlightenment, I wanted to share some thoughts on a few books, films, and shows I recently finished.

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and I would highly recommend it to anyone that is not racist and is interested in a beautifully written book about the black experience in America.

The Hunger Games:  Mockingjay, Part II

I will say this about the “final” installment of The Hunger Games film series:  I liked it better than the book.

One Punch Man

It is an incredibly entertaining series that is action-packed and light-hearted and I would recommend it to anyone that is in need of something fast-paced (only 12 episodes) and for this run; does not take itself too seriously.

2.173: Finding My Passion

“Find something you’re passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.”

- Julia Childs

“Follow what you are genuinely passionate about and let that guide you to your destination.”

- Diane Sawyer

I am ready to admit that I am not a passionate individual.  From time to time, I will have a distraction that consumes a vast amount of my time, but I have never found that one thing that I am passionate about and that drives me.

If anything, I am an incredible “liker” of things (e.g. I like to write and I like to watch anime), but none of my “likes” or interests have ever evolved into a passion.  To be honest, a number of things I like are things would be better described as hobbies as oppose to passions.

Of course, the problem could lie with my perception of the term.  The quotes above should give an indication of my perception of passion, but to prevent any confusion:  Personally, a passion is the guiding belief (or force) that dictates every aspect of an individual’s existence.

“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.”

- Alexander Hamilton

Over my thirty-two years of life, I have formed a series of personal beliefs about how things should be, but none of these beliefs have come to forefront as being the one guiding force.  And it is because of this and a few other personal flaws, I find myself in my current position.

It is because of my absence of conviction that I have made the decision to find my passion because I cannot accept the idea of remaining stagnant and pointlessly meandering through life.  At 32, I am desperately seeking a focus and a purpose, but most importantly; I am seeking a passion!

Fortunately, I do have a handful of beliefs that can become a meaningful, guiding passion that can make a difference to not only me, but to others too:

• Education:  I firmly believe that access to quality education is not a privilege, but a right that should be afforded to all and I believe this because I believe that an educated community is a prosperous community.  I was the first member of my family to not only attend college, but to graduate from college--twice!  But, the cost of obtaining a higher education has left me with a considerable amount of debt that will take years to clear.  The desire to educate and improve one's self should not mean I will have to start two steps behind my more fortunate (or affluent) peers that did not need to incur debt to afford college and yet, this is the situation that countless college graduates confront upon completion of their degree programs.
• Immigration:  As the son of immigrants, I have witnessed first-hand the difficulties of navigating the immigration system in the United States of America.  I have experienced both the heartbreak and the joy that comes from having a family member either denied or granted entry in the United States of America.  In fact, my original plan for college was to earn a Law degree and work as an immigration attorney so that I could assist individuals dealing with similar situations.  I believe that rather than close the doors to immigrants, our country should be embracing immigrants and simplifying the process of gaining lawful entry into the country. Our nation is a nation built upon the backs of immigrants and yet, we shun them and use them as scapegoats to explain our own shortcomings.  And that is wrong!
• Social Justice:  I realize that phrase "social justice" is a loaded and vague phrase that encompasses a wide array of issues, but in fact; the phrase is based upon a simple premise--a premise that I believe in:  all individuals should be afford the same rights as any other individual regardless of age, ethnicity, gender identification, race, religious affiliation, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation (i.e. treat everyone equally regardless of our differences).  Women are equal to men and should be afforded the same wages and socially-accepted norms.  The bonds that help form homosexual couples are no different than the bonds that form the basis of heterosexual couples and therefore there should be no distinction between the two in regards to marital rights and status.  And I could go on and on with the various examples of social justice issues I believe in, but I will examine it in greater detail in future posts.

Yes, I intend to publishing more posts about my journey to discovering the passion that will drive me in my life decisions because I know that it is going to be a long and arduous task that will not be completed in a single journal post.  To be honest, it may never be something I discover, but I need to make this effort because I know that I should be doing more with my life.  Also, I do apologize for any and all grammatical errors--I love to write, but grammar was never a strong point--and for the length of this post though in comparison to my other posts; this post only seems drawn out.

2.168

I know that my last post ended on a sour note, but that is my current reality.  But, my mood swings are temporary and at present, I am feeling better.  Progress on my employment search remains at a standstill, but I did (1) look for positions and (2) assembled a grill with my father today. I understand that remaining stagnant neither assists nor benefits my search for employment, but I cannot summon the will necessary to put myself forward for criticism and judgment at this time; my mind is not in a good place.  Yes, the quick and easy solution would be to get over it and just do it, but that suggestion is as callous as it is difficult to actually do.  I am undergoing a personal crisis of confidence and fears of failure and rejection are overwhelming my psyche.  Please do not perceive this expression of emotion as simple whining, but rather view this expression as my way of releasing built up frustration and anguish.  The thirty-second year of my life over the course of the past two months has not been good and I need a way to overcome this rut and this is one of the ways I choose to cope.  I will not promise anything about the quality and mood of future posts because I cannot make that promise.  Some days will be good, other days will be bad, and the only constant that exists between each pending day is that I will never be certain of what will happen next…

2.167

As funny as it sounds, I have started work on another online project.  Unfortunately, I have been as productive with it as I have been with this journal and my employment search.  Regardless, I try (and I usually fail).  So, why am I sharing this information?  I am sharing this information because I wanted to write and I actually wanted to publish something tonight because the other post I am currently drafting is quickly turning into nonsensical rubbish (much like everything else I write).  In case anyone was wondering, my employment search has come to a complete halt as I have hit the inevitable wall of laziness and self-doubt.  It has been nearly two months since my termination and in this time, I have received one interview (which I failed because I did not get the position) and about seven rejection notices.  I have applied at various academic institutions, public libraries, and even a medical manufacturing company and nothing has panned out and I am now under the belief that I have been secretly blacklisted from library employment by previous employers.  Why do I believe I have been blacklisted?  I believe that I have been blacklisted because I continue to hear stories of how other former coworkers with less experience (and in multiple cases, I trained) are receiving interview requests or being hired for positions I also applied for.  Of course, I could be paranoid, but the lack of response to my applications despite my experience and education is incredibly discouraging.  I cannot understand it—I cannot understand why the individual responsible for hiring me at my previous library would not even give me an interview and yet she requested an interview from a friend that only worked part-time for about a year.  I cannot understand why my alma mater would hire an individual with less than a half-year of experience in a part-time, non-supervisory role rather than the individual that trained her when she was hired.  I hear these stories, I receive little or no response and what response I do receive; it is negative.  I am at a loss and what little confidence I had at the start of this misadventure has dissipated into a farce that I put on in front of friends to ensure them that they do not need to worry about me.  To be honest, I hoped that writing this out would help, but it has only made me more frustrated…

2.128

November 1:  Holy crap!  So, today has been wet.  The day has been filled with persistent rainfall and it does not look as though it will let up until forever!  Today, is the start of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) for many people--it is not for me.  But, I'm still posting on a far more consistent basis (though I still miss days--a lot of days).  To be honest, the rain is a drain and I could do without the emotional drain right now because the upcoming week is going to be a critical week.  On top of the ongoing domestic stress, my professional stress levels are about to enter into overdrive because of a number of things (aside from my current state of unemployment), but mainly, these two things: 1) I'm like to find out if my unemployment benefits claim is either accepted or denied--I'm lending towards the latter because I'm a pessimist and because my phone interview with the assessor went less than good--and 2) I'm hoping to hear something from my primary employment opportunity because if I do not hear from it, then I can pretty much draw the curtains on my career as a librarian because if can't even get an interview for a position in which I have legitimate connections at; then I'm not getting a shot anywhere else (at least, not in a library position).

Anyways, my stress and tension level are at critical and this dreary weather is not helping me.  In yesterday's post, I noted my disdain for Halloween and I spent the day doing near nothing.  So, I was restless today and suffering from cabin fever on top of the aforementioned stress.  I needed to get out, I needed an escape--so, I did what I normally do when I have little to no disposable income:  I drove--thank goodness for below $2 per gallon gasoline prices.  I had no destination, but it is never really about the destination--it's always about me being in my car listening to music and driving (or escaping).  Of course, pathetic me--I wind up in Athens at the library (I seriously cannot get away from libraries, but then again, I really don't want to).  I spent about an hour reading comics and thinking of my next immediate move, but I had gotten my day started much too late and I dislike driving in the dark and I dislike driving in the dark during a rain storm even more.  So, I went home, but I got away for a bit and afterwards, I spent it watching Sidemen YouTube gaming videos and now, I've been stuck on a new obsession:  Casey Neistat videos.

Honestly, this guy is hustling hard and he's only two years older than me.  He is doing so much and it looks as though he is enjoying every minute of it.  I want to say that he's inspired me, but I know that would be bullshit statement because inspiration means actually taking some form of action.  In truth and more accurately, he's made me envious though I keep on wanting to say otherwise.  I mean watching his work makes me want to do better, but let's be frank:  it isn't going to get any better than this for me, but it can sure as hell get worse.  Anyways, I think I'm going to get back to living vicariously through another.

2.127

It's Halloween and it means nothing.  I'm an unemployed thirty-two year old that lives with his parents (and now, a deadbeat younger half-brother that's less prone to gainful employment than Pigpen is to showering--a Peanuts reference because the new film comes out next week and I just watched It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! the other evening) and I only hang out with people old than me.  Honestly, the thought of Halloween or any of these other "not-really holidays" turns notches in my gut because they are a stark reminder that (1) I'm old, (2) I have few social friends, and (3) I'm never going to have a "healthy" social life.  And you know what?  I have to live with it and accept it for what it is.  I've only been to two Halloween parties ever and I was always that creepy guy that stood aimlessly in the corner that everyone questioned his presence.

Again, this is my life and this is how I have chosen to live my life.  I understand being socially-awkward and I have come to terms with it (sort of).  If I'm being honest with myself, I generally prefer peace and solitude to hearing-damaging volume and crowded spaces because the former formally reflects your loneliness while the latter creates an illusion and an even worse condition of being alone among a crowd. I should probably seek professional psychiatric help, but I'm not going to pony up the cash I don't have for something I recognize--the only benefit is that they could perhaps provide prescribed medication for it, but I don't swallow pills easily and I don't have the resources to put towards such a venture.

Anyways, I have completed gone awry from the start of this post till now--it's time to move on.

2.124

It is always a good thing when I get to hang out with my friend Shayne.  Shayne is a wise father-figure type that I have come to accept as a close confidant.  He is funny, generous, and knowledgeable about a great deal of things--all characteristics that I lack--and yet he can be crude, cynical, and a bit of a smart ass.  I hated to see him leave the library when he did, but we managed to remain in contact and now that my tenure at the library (or at least, at the specific system) is over; I have a bit more flexibility to meet up with him and simply shoot the breeze.  Anyways, I met him for lunch yesterday and had a great conversation about the ignorance of our former library employer, our current career paths, and life in general.  Afterwards, we hung out at his place and he gave me (for free) a ukulele because during our time together at the library; we had discussed how I had never learned to play a musical instrument and how I wanted to learn to play the ukulele because of its odd size and the laid back vibe one gets when listening to someone play the ukulele. (I also wanted to try and charm Emily, but that never came to pass and it never will.)  I have had a difficult time of it in recent weeks, but I can always count on Shayne to have some useful words of encourage as well as a sympathetic ear.  I'm blessed to have a friend like that--hell, I'm blessed to have friends like that.  Anyways, aside from some more drama surrounding the elephant sleeping in the living room, today was a solid day and I hope that I'm able to commit to learning the ukulele without driving everyone up the wall.

2.123

Over the past year, I have come to rely on this journal to be my haven for announcing my deepest and most genuine feelings (heaven forbid that someone I know personally should cross paths with this journal) on matters concerning myself and those around me.  From time to time, I will stray from this manner of writing and attempt to separate myself from the intent of this journal by writing reviews or other non-personal entries.  But, eventually, I find myself right back where I started--expressing feelings and thoughts that I will undoubtedly come to regret.  Yet, despite my personal reservations about opening myself to the world, I find myself returning to it and embracing it.  Perhaps, I am a bit of an exhibitionist in the sense that I do crave attention and acknowledgement.  Hell, this mantra is plastered within the over-sized heading situated at the top of the page:  I'm attempting to avoid oblivion, I'm trying to not be forgotten despite my unremarkable existence.

I sincerely wish a number of things, but here are two that are most relevant to this journal and its purpose:  (1) I wish I lived a life that truly warrants a chronicle of it and (2) I wish that my writing were more elegant and polished and that my words could convey what I mean to say.  Of course, my existence is what I make of it.  And, my writing will only improve by writing and reading.  I know that despite my rather mundane and trivial existence, entries (I am still deciding upon the correct terminology for this online journal) about those menial matters are far more interesting than entries like this one that rambles on.  Anyways, I simply had the desire to attempt to write something of more depth than my typical entry.

2.121

I believe I should finally publish something about my final day at Anime Weekend Atlanta.  Here it goes:

I checked out of my room at the Radisson at around 11:30 AM.  For breakfast, I finished the remaining chicken cordon bleu from the Marietta Diner--cold (since there are no microwaves in guest rooms).  PRO TIP:  Despite its name, the Marietta Diner's prices are not reminiscent of the typical diner--large portions but big prices. I arrived at the convention center around noon and subsequently, checked in for my "final" shift of the convention.  Supposedly, I was short a few hours of my minimum, which I agreed though the amount with which I was short was a point of contention.  And to my surprise, I was not working the autograph line.  Instead, I was sent to retrieve a walkie-talkie from Tech Ops, which was another surprise to me because I did not realize that I was authorized to carry one on my person.  I suppose being a returning member of staff automatically means you are qualified despite undergoing no training at all.  Anyways, my assignment was basically to go wherever assistance may be needed--there was none.  Eventually, my team (a couple) and I were dispatched over to the Galaxxxy / Neeko special event to manage the line (of about 20 people).  From there, the adventure began.  My team and I were sent to the Galleria Ballrooms to maintain lines and watch doors (if necessary).  Turns out, only one room required managing and this is where one of the greatest shortcomings of any all-volunteer operated conventions came to forefront.  So, at 2 PM Sunday, there was supposed to be a Sailor Moon panel presented by VIZ Media--no biggie, right?  Well, for some inexplicable reason, there was a line that formed outside of the entrance to the ballroom despite (1) the room being empty (the doors were closed so I did not know until I entered the room myself) and (2) AWA rarely clears panel room so in theory a person could squat in one room for an entire day if by chance everything they wanted to see took place in that room.  Anyways, upon entering the room I learn that the only people inside are a Tech Ops staffer setting up the sound system (though there were supposedly other panels in the room earlier in the day) and an Events staffer who informed me that the VIZ Media representatives had yet to appear and that she (or anyone else) was able to locate the panelists.  So, at her insistence since she was a representative from the responsible convention department, we kept the doors closed and the attendees out despite the previously mention facts and the fact that it was now 2 PM.  My crew and I managed the surprisingly growing line and did our best to keep them up to date with what was happening (though in truth, one of my guys was rather restless and I did not do much to mitigate his "restlessness").  2:15 PM arrives and still nothing and obviously, the attendees are getting restless, but the Events staffer, who is now alone in the room, only approaches the door to inform me that someone was supposed to bring her a charger cord for her phone--and that she was awaiting her contact at Events to update her.  2:25 arrives and the attendees are becoming frustrated so I make the decision to inform the Events staffer that we need to make a call on the panel--either let the attendees in or cancel it.  While we are having this discussing, in walks Stephanie Sheh (convention guest, VA for Sailor Moon in Sailor Moon Crystal) and she inquires about the status of the panel.  We fill her in on the situation and she gets to work on her mobile phone and in less than a minute she learns that (1) the VIZ representative that was suppose to present the panel was not even at AWA because she was ill and had been quarantined to her apartment and (2) the convention (or at least, its CEO) had known about the cancellation since the Tuesday prior to the start of the convention.  Way to communicate guys!  So, Stephanie asks about the crowd at which point I inform her that the mass of people she passed en route to the panel (that she was not even scheduled to be present at) was the crowd waiting for the panel.  And this prompts (this dear, sweet angel of a woman) to say that she could do an impromptu Q&A session for the crowd until her schedule autograph session.  Meanwhile, the poor Events staffer was clueless to what was happening because she did not even know who Stephanie Sheh was--she just informed her supervisors that someone name Stephanie Sheh was going to do a Q&A.  Anyways, the session happens and Sheh saves the day (I tweeted her personally thanking her for what she had done and she favorited it).  Of course, one would think that such a scenario could not possibly happen again and yet it did at the 3:30 PM Hetalia Panel.  Sadly, in this case, there was no gracious VA to save the day since it was supposed to be a fan panel and at the end of it (for me), the attendees were climbing onto the stage and the Events staffer simply let them run with it and at this decision; I was done with it and my shift.

After ending my shift at a little after 4 PM, I made my way into the dealers room for the first time as a simple attendee, but I was broke and nothing (fortunately) beckoned to me to buy it (though an actual Good Smile Company figure from the official GSC booth would have been nice).  So, the convention came to an official close at a little after 5 PM at which point my friend, another staffer and I decided to hang around for the Georgia Philharmonic concert.  Unfortunately, I made the stupid mistake of volunteering to help break down the Main Events room (what an idiot) and ended up not only missing the concert, but working until almost 8 PM despite having plans to meet up with another friend for dinner on my way home--I didn't even make it to Dead Dog.  So, there it is: my Sunday at AWA.  Overall, I did have a really great time and I look forward to it again in 2016 (if I'm in a position to make it back).  My only concern is the same concern I have every year:  communications--we simply do not talk to one another and that should not be the case given all of the technological advances we have.  Until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.120

So, I'm back (for now).  Obviously, I was away (again) trying to sort out some things in my own life. As of now, I'm still FUNemployed (in fact, I created a tumblr dedicated to it and I switched over a number of my social media account to reflect this fact) and the hunt has slightly slowed. I suppose the biggest issue from the past week has been the reemergence of my younger half-brother (who is now homeless and crashing on our couch after his crazy "mother-in-law" kicked he and his girlfriend out of the house they had been living in for the past couple of years).  To be honest, he is my half-brother and tolerate him, but his presence his been a serious downer for me and I'm not even sure why that's the case.  Regardless, it is and I have yet another issue with which I must now deal.

I'm writing today because I wanted to write something a bit more in depth than what I normally post on my FUNemployed Nerd tumblr.  But, what am I writing about today?  I don't know, but anything is better than nothing and nothing is what I have been doing a whole lot of lately.  I still find myself constantly reflecting upon a number of library-related things--things that I should not care about anymore--but I know that it's been past time to move on.  Yesterday, I went to first home game of the season for the Atlanta Gladiators minor league hockey club--they won!  And the week ahead looks as though it could be busy with a number of appointments, lunches and so forth--Monday I receive my last check from the library system and I hope this week I get a decision on UI benefits claim.

Along with the more serious matter at hand, I have been contemplating a number of things about how I can get things going in the self-improvement area.  I read a nice article (or post) off of Wil Wheaton's blog about how he reset his life and I can seriously relate to it.  I suppose a lot of it is similar to create goals or resolutions and making an effort to improve me and to learn to love me. In truth, this could lead to a whole series of post dedicated to this matter.  Also, I have been thinking about possibly moving this blog back to WordPress (I'm not sure why, but on occasion I get these urges plus it would be nice to refresh myself on WordPress).

I think this is all for now--there wasn't much in terms of substance, but it was good to write something more than a blurb caption for a GIF.  Until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.114

I'm filled with anxiety about tomorrow because I will finally have to break the news to my parents that I am once again unemployed.  Now, I know in the end my parents will have my back, but I also know that they (or at least, my father) will be disappointed (if not angered) by the news that I have lost my second job since graduating from college.  But, I cannot continue to hide this fact from them much longer and truthfully, I know that I should have told them the day I was terminated.  The truth of the matter is this:  I could sincerely give zero fucks about the library system that just fired me because the vast majority of the people employed there are cowardly idiots and I hope that the system experiences a significant decline again, but to disappoint my parents is something I absolutely dread because they have given so much and I have returned so little.  I have put on this facade of being fine with things (and in a way, I am) but I have been so anxious, so scared of my parents' response.  But, I have to let them know and then I will have to deal with the initial backlash and then I will have to move on as quickly as possible.

I hate disappointing my parents...almost to the point of being scared to disappoint them further because they deserve better than what I have given them. I'm sorry, but this is going to it for tonight and maybe for a while because I'm not feeling the awesome vibe right now.  FUCK YOU HALL COUNTY FOR BEING FILLED WITH SUCH PETTY AND TRAITOROUS CUNTS!

2.113

No, this is not the final day wrap up post for AWA 2015.  Instead, today's post will focus on some more personal matters.  If September was a fantastic month personally, then October could easily be considered a terrible month personally.  It could be--if I let it be, but I'm making the conscious decision to not let it be a terrible month.  I realize that optimism is not my "thing" but in the face of growing negativity, I'm making the decision to embrace a more idealistic approach to my life and it starts with becoming more comfortable with me.  If I can't love myself (get your head out of the gutter), then who can love me?  I have a lot going for me, but I know that there is still plenty to be improved upon and this is what I'm going to focus on from here on out.  How can I make a good me better?

Am I happy with myself?  I am, but there's always room for improvement.  I believe I heard this (or something similar) before:  "Don't strive to be perfect because perfection is finite--strive for beyond." I have a lot of things that I want to do that will aid in the process of becoming the better me that I can be.  But, the most important is to become comfortable and happy with me.  I realize that I'm not making a lot of sense right now and that's because I'm incredibly tired and one of the things that I would like improve about me is getting into a routine sleep schedule in which I can sleep for at least six straight hours a night.  And to aid in this process, I'm going to end this post and make my way to sleep.  So, until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.112

Sorry, but I will not be writing about my Sunday at Anime Weekend Atlanta 2015 today because something happened.  Now, I will admit that I am rather inconsistent with my publishing schedule, but I have been trying over the past week to be more consistent until yesterday.  And that is because I got terminated from my position at the library I worked at for almost three years (my anniversary would have been Monday).  So, I'm out of a job (or as I would like to say:  newly FUNemployed) and I have to reconsider the prospects of a career in libraries.  To be honest, I am taking it okay--trying to be positive.  I knew that I did not want to be in this particular system for too much longer, but even I did not expect my departure to come so soon or in the manner in which occurred.  But, despite my attempts to remain upbeat about the opportunities presented, I do want to take a moment to address a few things (i.e., I'm going on a rant--and this will be only rant I go on because to be frank, this system is not worth anymore of my precious time).

[rant]

So, I was fired.  Why was I fired?  Well, if you go by the "official" documentation, I was terminated because of:  (1) my ongoing "one-sided feud" with another supervisor, (2) spreading negativity about the technical services department among staff at other branches, (3) "unprofessional" response to changes not receiving my personal approval, and (4) abusing my responsibilities as the schedule make for my former department.

Let's take these one-by-one and then I will give you the real reason why I was terminated as I heard it straight former the horse's mouth:

(1) The feud.

I cannot respect anyone who does not deserve respect.  And I certainly cannot respect an individual that would hurt a friend much less two friends.  And I sure as hell cannot respect an individual that hurts my friends and makes $30,000 more than I do with absolutely zero qualifications for the position they hold.  So, when an individual like this crosses my path, then it should be reasonable to expect that I will have little respect for them.  But, when this individual not only does the previously mentioned things, cross my path and then has the audacity to try and shout me down in the near presence of patrons over an unnecessary staff badge photograph, then you as sure as hell believe that I will have not a damn bit of respect for them.  And yet, as a professional, I tolerated his presence even when the bastard attempted to rat me out multiple times to the system's director for being mean-spirited and rude, which I was not but if you attempt to initiate a system geared toward tracking employee computer usage and try to sell it as protect privacy and then, without permission, publish birthdays on the desktops of every staff computer in the system--you had better be prepared to remove my birthday when I request (in a non-aggressive, professional manner).  Of course, I have gone over this troll on a number of previous occasions in past posts--so, I will devote no further time on this matter.

(2) Tainting the masses

It is good to know that I carried so much influence among my former peers in the system that my words could taint their perception of an obviously incompetent technical services department.  I mean it would be good to know--if that were the actual case as opposed to it being the case that (1) the technical services department was remarkably inept, (2) the staff were witness to such ineptitude and (3) each of the individuals in which I shared conversations regarding our contempt for the department and its director had not already formed their own opinion on the department because you know?  They are adults.  But, no, that was not the case--at least, if you choose to believe what members of administrative staff have to say on the matter.

(3) Petulance to not getting my way

As I just alluded to previously, I am under the assumption that everyone employed in my former system are adults much like me.  And as adults, when things change, we like to know why things change.  And heaven forbid if the explanation of "because I said so" doesn't fly with me, especially, when it is the case that I have more than a few viable reasons for why certain things should not occur.  Contrary to the beliefs of administrative personnel, I do not oppose change--in fact, I relish in change--but what I do oppose is change for the sake of change, change without rationale, and change without being presented options.  For example, when the system decided to undergo the process of installing staff monitoring features on staff computers, I had my reservations about the issues of distrust and privacy, but then the administrative staff attempted to sell the conversion as a matter of convenience in that a staff could travel from branch to branch and still do what they normally would do at their home branch.  But, when the question of just how many members of staff would actually benefit from this service (the answer being less than five people out of staff of 50+ employees), the reasoning became a matter of privacy and security.  But, when the new setup was creating issues in the daily operation of staff utilizing shared systems and there response was to create generic departmental account with a single password for all such designated accounts, the staff, me included, began to wonder just how secure having such a generic work around would be.  The response from administrative personnel was silence and to throw more money into the inept department.  So, for all my inquiries and desires to have some rational explanation for the changes that were occurring, the response I received is that I was being childish and petulant because I wanted reasonable and honest answers.

But, this particular reason for my termination did not stem from these incidents alone.  No, I knew the exact incident being reference in this complaint and to be frank; I responded in the same manner that they had responded to my own serious inquiries.  The issue that is the root of this particular complaint has to do with the reorganization of the circulation desk in which the decision was made to move particular pieces around because the oh so inept technical services department could figure out a solution for installing their new Square device.  So, rather than work around the current setup that could have been easily remedied with an investment in a simple extension cord, the director of the technical services department convinced my former department supervisor to simply rearrange the desk without any consideration for the effects of such a move and the effects on the personnel that would be primarily responsible for making the adjustments--not the technical services department director and not the circulation department manager, but the late-60 year old facilities manager with benign prostate growth that needs to be removed.  These two also did not consider the possible congestion that would be created shifting one circulation station to right next to the children's computer stations nor did they consider the potential issues concerning the odors from the restrooms, but they managed to sell the idea to my fellow former staffers by feeding into their laziness and doing it while I was out fulfilling other duties that I had taken on.  The most ridiculous moment about this particular situation was that the newly appointed director of the system agreed with my assessment, but they still managed to feed her a line of horse manure and convince her to accept the changes because (and get used to this because it is going to become a prominent part of this discussion) administrative staff protects administrative staff (or admin protects admin).

(4) Abusing my authority

Truth be to told, this was the bit that angered me the most because it is complete bullshit.  In the recommendation for termination memo drafted by my former supervisor, she alleged that I was abusing my scheduling responsibilities. (#SMFH)  Really?  I abused my scheduling responsibilities because I scheduled myself to work more Saturdays than any other full-time staffer because they did not want to work on Saturdays?  I abused my scheduling responsibilities by giving up a medical leave day to two part-timers that waited until two weeks before to ask for the weekend off because one was going to Washington, D.C. with their boyfriend and the other was going to a country music concert the next day--a medical leave day that I would have used to take my three year old cousin to have a dental procedure involving anesthesia? I abused my scheduling responsibilities by always ensuring that there was always enough coverage for days I wanted to take off for myself--days that I only just recently started using because I just met my maximum threshold for annual leave accumulated?  At the end of the day, who was it that asked me to double check their schedules for errors?  Who was it that asked me to takeover this responsibility?  To be honest, it was this particular complaint that caused me to lose respect for my former supervisor because she had to know this was bullshit and still included because most likely, the individual responsible for my termination asked for her to give her more cause and like the good little minion--she obeyed because admin protects admin!

Now, let's get to the nitty-gritty of this rant and to the real reason why I was terminated from my position in the library.  I was terminated because I had the audacity to verbally oppose the director of the system and her new scheme to draw more patronage into the system by becoming a kinder, more forgiving library system and by kinder and more forgiving she meant that she wanted staff members at all levels to use their judgement to bend (or break) system policy--policy that is mandated by the state.  She wanted to improve our customer service by creating further issues for staff through the creation of exceptions and exemption because rewarding negative behavior can only have positive consequences, right?  I was terminated for telling her that I was uncomfortable with this mandate and that I could or would not go along with this new direction.  I was terminated because I made the comment that regardless of how menial or silly we believe a particular policy to be--the best course of action toward remedying this issue is not to subvert the policy and encourage deviance from enforcing it, but rather to seek to change the actual policy.  I was terminated because I made this stance in front of fellow and in front of her superior whom she had apparently convinced that this shift was a good thing.  But, all it said to me was that rather than supporting her staff for enforcing policy like our previous director would have done, she wants to create gray area simply to avoid confrontation and to appease a handful of entitled "friends" of the library that felt that because they were members of the "Friends of the Library" group they should be given special privileges like not paying fines or receiving additional renewals beyond the renewal limit.  Yes, I was terminated because the director is a small and petty person that could understand why someone could possibly ever think of voicing their opinion in opposition to her position.  Yes, I was "officially" terminated for all of these transgressions, but in reality, I was terminated because a petty admin got a sycophant admin to draft up these transgressions into a one-page memo.  But, I will tell you this:  I was sure as hell not terminated because of my work ethic or my customer service skills or my willingness to take on additional responsibilities while still being paid horribly.  I was fired because admin wanted to make a statement that to oppose the directives of the new director will not be tolerated and to remind people that admin only watches out for fellow admin and a huge FUCK YOU to the plebeians beneath them.

[/rant]

And there you have it!  I could have said much more, but I'm just ready to get it off my chest and to move on.  Hopefully, I'm quick to rebound--there is a position that I have in mind, but one can never be too sure about anything.  As for this situation and the individuals that crossed me, I'm done with it and you.  So, until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.110

I guess it would be best if I go ahead and finish my write-up of my experience at AWA.  So, Saturday... 

I spent my Saturday in the same manner as Friday--working the autograph lines.  But, unlike Friday, I assigned myself the task of autograph line end cap.  Basically, I took either a "Lines Start Here" sign or a "Do Not Enter" sign and situated myself at the back of the longest line at the time, which for Saturday was Stephanie Sheh and Christopher Sabat.  A funny thing occurred while serving in my newly created role for Christopher Sabat's line: 

A few minutes after the scheduled start of the signing session, the guest had yet to arrive and the line had been capped for almost an hour when a random individual approached me and asked about the line.  Instinctively, I replied (as I had dozens of times previously) that it was for Christopher Sabat and that it had already been capped--giving little notice to the individual that was inquiring.  Of course, the person asking was indeed Christopher Sabat and I felt ridiculous, but he took it in stride, I gave him a bro hug and he made his way to his position to begin the session.  Fortunately, the only ones that took notice were the small handful of people at the end of the line that I had become acquainted while we waited. 

Anyways, I spent about seven hours working the autograph area before I finally threw in the towel and called it quits for the day.  I returned to my hotel room with the intention of taking a "power" nap before heading back to catch up with my friend who worked the duration of my leave.  Of course, the nap ran long and that caused some grogginess, which did not help my commute back to the Galleria Centre.  I eventually caught up with my friend and we sort of just roamed the convention because (1) we weren't really on duty and (2) there was nothing we wanted to see or that we could get into anyways.

Now, the big event on Saturday is the "Dance" (don't call it a rave).  This kicked off about 10-ish and my friend and I thought we'd hang around and take in the scenes.  Eventually, he left the convention around midnight, which left me to linger around on my own for a little while.  I could have left with my friend, but I wanted to wait and see if anything jumped off like it did last year when someone pulled a fire alarm, which led to a full evacuation of the Renaissance Waverly.  And all of this occurred around midnight last year and that's why I hung around, but at about 1 AM I called it night because (1) I guess nothing was going to happen and (2) I was feeling hungry (I had only eaten a couple of hot dogs) and I wanted to make my yearly pilgrimage to the Marietta Diner (probably, the most expensive diner I have been to).  I got back to my room around 2:30 AM and was just relaxing when I noticed a Facebook post from AWA that fifth-floor fire alarm had been set off by someone smoking in their room--I had missed the excitement again.  And this was not even the most interesting part of the evening, within the comments of that thread, it was noted that the dance was abandoned early due to a gas leak.  Seriously, I miss all of the excitement. 

Well, I think that's all for now. Until next time, take care and DFTBA!