2.186: Excuses

I'm a procrastinator.

I will not deny it.  In fact, I relish in this fact.

Of course, procrastination is detrimental to my productivity and slacking is something I cannot afford now.

I often contemplate taking measures to remedy this behavior, but nothing comes from my "efforts".

Why?  To be frank, it is because (1) I am lazy and (2) I enjoy creating excuses and then drafting posts about these excuses to publish.

The former reason for my inability to overcome procrastination is self-explanatory.

The latter reason requires further explanation, but not too much explanation.  Basically, it boils down to the fact that creating excuses and then writing about the excuses allows me to (1) increase my post count and (2) procrastinate more.

If I spent as much time on being productive as I do on creating excuses for not being productive, then this issue would be resolved.  But it is never that easy and even if I resolved this issue, I would still need to figure out how to overcome my laziness and that is an exercise that would require far more resolve than I currently possess.

I am writing all of this because I am procrastinating and not focusing on finding my passion.  For now, I will say that I am going to wait until 2016, but I am not too confident about the prospects of any sort of advancement in my journey.  Also, I am not in the mood to carry much from 2015 into 2016 because I simply want this year to end and I want to leave the final quarter of the year in the past. Excuses

2.180: Airing of Grievances

Less than ten minutes before the conclusion of Festivus and while I have no pole nor anyone to compete with at feats of strength, I could not let this opportunity to express some grief pass.  Here we go!

#1

I hate the belief that I am required to care about an individual simply because I share a bloodline with them.  In my opinion, the idea of family goes beyond blood--it involves a deep-rooted respect for an individual and an expectation that he/she will (1) have your back and (2) not hurt you or others you care about (physically and/or emotionally).

I could go on about this point and I just may at some point down the line, but for now: GRIEVANCES!

#2

I hate the fact that I have little control over my life and that my life is often in the hands of petty and small individuals.  I understand that a large portion of the blame lies upon my shoulders, but I have lived my life according to the rules of others and I have seen very little in the means of payoff.

#3

I hate supporters of Seattle sports teams (with the exception of Mariners fans because I do not know any and I do not care about baseball).  To be honest, I am not certain of why I feel the way I feel--I suppose you have to pick one sports city to hate and Seattle is it for me.

Anyways, enough for now. Happy Festivus (or what is left)!

2.179: Stuff I Fancy

Star Wars:  The Force Awakens

I loved the film and I would highly recommend it to anyone, especially, if they would not mind me tagging along because I would definitely watch it again.  I will admit that I am not an overzealous fanboy of the franchise, but I will also admit that there were moments during the film that made me fanboy squeal internally.  Anyways, I could go into further details about why I enjoyed the film, but there are plenty of glowing reviews available to read that would do this film far more justice than what I could offer.  BUT SERIOUSLY, GO SEE IT (and may the Force be with you)!

2.177: Stuff I Fancy

Before I continue on my search for enlightenment, I wanted to share some thoughts on a few books, films, and shows I recently finished.

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and I would highly recommend it to anyone that is not racist and is interested in a beautifully written book about the black experience in America.

The Hunger Games:  Mockingjay, Part II

I will say this about the “final” installment of The Hunger Games film series:  I liked it better than the book.

One Punch Man

It is an incredibly entertaining series that is action-packed and light-hearted and I would recommend it to anyone that is in need of something fast-paced (only 12 episodes) and for this run; does not take itself too seriously.

2.173: Finding My Passion

“Find something you’re passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.”

- Julia Childs

“Follow what you are genuinely passionate about and let that guide you to your destination.”

- Diane Sawyer

I am ready to admit that I am not a passionate individual.  From time to time, I will have a distraction that consumes a vast amount of my time, but I have never found that one thing that I am passionate about and that drives me.

If anything, I am an incredible “liker” of things (e.g. I like to write and I like to watch anime), but none of my “likes” or interests have ever evolved into a passion.  To be honest, a number of things I like are things would be better described as hobbies as oppose to passions.

Of course, the problem could lie with my perception of the term.  The quotes above should give an indication of my perception of passion, but to prevent any confusion:  Personally, a passion is the guiding belief (or force) that dictates every aspect of an individual’s existence.

“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.”

- Alexander Hamilton

Over my thirty-two years of life, I have formed a series of personal beliefs about how things should be, but none of these beliefs have come to forefront as being the one guiding force.  And it is because of this and a few other personal flaws, I find myself in my current position.

It is because of my absence of conviction that I have made the decision to find my passion because I cannot accept the idea of remaining stagnant and pointlessly meandering through life.  At 32, I am desperately seeking a focus and a purpose, but most importantly; I am seeking a passion!

Fortunately, I do have a handful of beliefs that can become a meaningful, guiding passion that can make a difference to not only me, but to others too:

• Education:  I firmly believe that access to quality education is not a privilege, but a right that should be afforded to all and I believe this because I believe that an educated community is a prosperous community.  I was the first member of my family to not only attend college, but to graduate from college--twice!  But, the cost of obtaining a higher education has left me with a considerable amount of debt that will take years to clear.  The desire to educate and improve one's self should not mean I will have to start two steps behind my more fortunate (or affluent) peers that did not need to incur debt to afford college and yet, this is the situation that countless college graduates confront upon completion of their degree programs.
• Immigration:  As the son of immigrants, I have witnessed first-hand the difficulties of navigating the immigration system in the United States of America.  I have experienced both the heartbreak and the joy that comes from having a family member either denied or granted entry in the United States of America.  In fact, my original plan for college was to earn a Law degree and work as an immigration attorney so that I could assist individuals dealing with similar situations.  I believe that rather than close the doors to immigrants, our country should be embracing immigrants and simplifying the process of gaining lawful entry into the country. Our nation is a nation built upon the backs of immigrants and yet, we shun them and use them as scapegoats to explain our own shortcomings.  And that is wrong!
• Social Justice:  I realize that phrase "social justice" is a loaded and vague phrase that encompasses a wide array of issues, but in fact; the phrase is based upon a simple premise--a premise that I believe in:  all individuals should be afford the same rights as any other individual regardless of age, ethnicity, gender identification, race, religious affiliation, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation (i.e. treat everyone equally regardless of our differences).  Women are equal to men and should be afforded the same wages and socially-accepted norms.  The bonds that help form homosexual couples are no different than the bonds that form the basis of heterosexual couples and therefore there should be no distinction between the two in regards to marital rights and status.  And I could go on and on with the various examples of social justice issues I believe in, but I will examine it in greater detail in future posts.

Yes, I intend to publishing more posts about my journey to discovering the passion that will drive me in my life decisions because I know that it is going to be a long and arduous task that will not be completed in a single journal post.  To be honest, it may never be something I discover, but I need to make this effort because I know that I should be doing more with my life.  Also, I do apologize for any and all grammatical errors--I love to write, but grammar was never a strong point--and for the length of this post though in comparison to my other posts; this post only seems drawn out.

2.168

I know that my last post ended on a sour note, but that is my current reality.  But, my mood swings are temporary and at present, I am feeling better.  Progress on my employment search remains at a standstill, but I did (1) look for positions and (2) assembled a grill with my father today. I understand that remaining stagnant neither assists nor benefits my search for employment, but I cannot summon the will necessary to put myself forward for criticism and judgment at this time; my mind is not in a good place.  Yes, the quick and easy solution would be to get over it and just do it, but that suggestion is as callous as it is difficult to actually do.  I am undergoing a personal crisis of confidence and fears of failure and rejection are overwhelming my psyche.  Please do not perceive this expression of emotion as simple whining, but rather view this expression as my way of releasing built up frustration and anguish.  The thirty-second year of my life over the course of the past two months has not been good and I need a way to overcome this rut and this is one of the ways I choose to cope.  I will not promise anything about the quality and mood of future posts because I cannot make that promise.  Some days will be good, other days will be bad, and the only constant that exists between each pending day is that I will never be certain of what will happen next…

2.167

As funny as it sounds, I have started work on another online project.  Unfortunately, I have been as productive with it as I have been with this journal and my employment search.  Regardless, I try (and I usually fail).  So, why am I sharing this information?  I am sharing this information because I wanted to write and I actually wanted to publish something tonight because the other post I am currently drafting is quickly turning into nonsensical rubbish (much like everything else I write).  In case anyone was wondering, my employment search has come to a complete halt as I have hit the inevitable wall of laziness and self-doubt.  It has been nearly two months since my termination and in this time, I have received one interview (which I failed because I did not get the position) and about seven rejection notices.  I have applied at various academic institutions, public libraries, and even a medical manufacturing company and nothing has panned out and I am now under the belief that I have been secretly blacklisted from library employment by previous employers.  Why do I believe I have been blacklisted?  I believe that I have been blacklisted because I continue to hear stories of how other former coworkers with less experience (and in multiple cases, I trained) are receiving interview requests or being hired for positions I also applied for.  Of course, I could be paranoid, but the lack of response to my applications despite my experience and education is incredibly discouraging.  I cannot understand it—I cannot understand why the individual responsible for hiring me at my previous library would not even give me an interview and yet she requested an interview from a friend that only worked part-time for about a year.  I cannot understand why my alma mater would hire an individual with less than a half-year of experience in a part-time, non-supervisory role rather than the individual that trained her when she was hired.  I hear these stories, I receive little or no response and what response I do receive; it is negative.  I am at a loss and what little confidence I had at the start of this misadventure has dissipated into a farce that I put on in front of friends to ensure them that they do not need to worry about me.  To be honest, I hoped that writing this out would help, but it has only made me more frustrated…

2.128

November 1:  Holy crap!  So, today has been wet.  The day has been filled with persistent rainfall and it does not look as though it will let up until forever!  Today, is the start of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) for many people--it is not for me.  But, I'm still posting on a far more consistent basis (though I still miss days--a lot of days).  To be honest, the rain is a drain and I could do without the emotional drain right now because the upcoming week is going to be a critical week.  On top of the ongoing domestic stress, my professional stress levels are about to enter into overdrive because of a number of things (aside from my current state of unemployment), but mainly, these two things: 1) I'm like to find out if my unemployment benefits claim is either accepted or denied--I'm lending towards the latter because I'm a pessimist and because my phone interview with the assessor went less than good--and 2) I'm hoping to hear something from my primary employment opportunity because if I do not hear from it, then I can pretty much draw the curtains on my career as a librarian because if can't even get an interview for a position in which I have legitimate connections at; then I'm not getting a shot anywhere else (at least, not in a library position).

Anyways, my stress and tension level are at critical and this dreary weather is not helping me.  In yesterday's post, I noted my disdain for Halloween and I spent the day doing near nothing.  So, I was restless today and suffering from cabin fever on top of the aforementioned stress.  I needed to get out, I needed an escape--so, I did what I normally do when I have little to no disposable income:  I drove--thank goodness for below $2 per gallon gasoline prices.  I had no destination, but it is never really about the destination--it's always about me being in my car listening to music and driving (or escaping).  Of course, pathetic me--I wind up in Athens at the library (I seriously cannot get away from libraries, but then again, I really don't want to).  I spent about an hour reading comics and thinking of my next immediate move, but I had gotten my day started much too late and I dislike driving in the dark and I dislike driving in the dark during a rain storm even more.  So, I went home, but I got away for a bit and afterwards, I spent it watching Sidemen YouTube gaming videos and now, I've been stuck on a new obsession:  Casey Neistat videos.

Honestly, this guy is hustling hard and he's only two years older than me.  He is doing so much and it looks as though he is enjoying every minute of it.  I want to say that he's inspired me, but I know that would be bullshit statement because inspiration means actually taking some form of action.  In truth and more accurately, he's made me envious though I keep on wanting to say otherwise.  I mean watching his work makes me want to do better, but let's be frank:  it isn't going to get any better than this for me, but it can sure as hell get worse.  Anyways, I think I'm going to get back to living vicariously through another.

2.127

It's Halloween and it means nothing.  I'm an unemployed thirty-two year old that lives with his parents (and now, a deadbeat younger half-brother that's less prone to gainful employment than Pigpen is to showering--a Peanuts reference because the new film comes out next week and I just watched It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! the other evening) and I only hang out with people old than me.  Honestly, the thought of Halloween or any of these other "not-really holidays" turns notches in my gut because they are a stark reminder that (1) I'm old, (2) I have few social friends, and (3) I'm never going to have a "healthy" social life.  And you know what?  I have to live with it and accept it for what it is.  I've only been to two Halloween parties ever and I was always that creepy guy that stood aimlessly in the corner that everyone questioned his presence.

Again, this is my life and this is how I have chosen to live my life.  I understand being socially-awkward and I have come to terms with it (sort of).  If I'm being honest with myself, I generally prefer peace and solitude to hearing-damaging volume and crowded spaces because the former formally reflects your loneliness while the latter creates an illusion and an even worse condition of being alone among a crowd. I should probably seek professional psychiatric help, but I'm not going to pony up the cash I don't have for something I recognize--the only benefit is that they could perhaps provide prescribed medication for it, but I don't swallow pills easily and I don't have the resources to put towards such a venture.

Anyways, I have completed gone awry from the start of this post till now--it's time to move on.

2.124

It is always a good thing when I get to hang out with my friend Shayne.  Shayne is a wise father-figure type that I have come to accept as a close confidant.  He is funny, generous, and knowledgeable about a great deal of things--all characteristics that I lack--and yet he can be crude, cynical, and a bit of a smart ass.  I hated to see him leave the library when he did, but we managed to remain in contact and now that my tenure at the library (or at least, at the specific system) is over; I have a bit more flexibility to meet up with him and simply shoot the breeze.  Anyways, I met him for lunch yesterday and had a great conversation about the ignorance of our former library employer, our current career paths, and life in general.  Afterwards, we hung out at his place and he gave me (for free) a ukulele because during our time together at the library; we had discussed how I had never learned to play a musical instrument and how I wanted to learn to play the ukulele because of its odd size and the laid back vibe one gets when listening to someone play the ukulele. (I also wanted to try and charm Emily, but that never came to pass and it never will.)  I have had a difficult time of it in recent weeks, but I can always count on Shayne to have some useful words of encourage as well as a sympathetic ear.  I'm blessed to have a friend like that--hell, I'm blessed to have friends like that.  Anyways, aside from some more drama surrounding the elephant sleeping in the living room, today was a solid day and I hope that I'm able to commit to learning the ukulele without driving everyone up the wall.

2.123

Over the past year, I have come to rely on this journal to be my haven for announcing my deepest and most genuine feelings (heaven forbid that someone I know personally should cross paths with this journal) on matters concerning myself and those around me.  From time to time, I will stray from this manner of writing and attempt to separate myself from the intent of this journal by writing reviews or other non-personal entries.  But, eventually, I find myself right back where I started--expressing feelings and thoughts that I will undoubtedly come to regret.  Yet, despite my personal reservations about opening myself to the world, I find myself returning to it and embracing it.  Perhaps, I am a bit of an exhibitionist in the sense that I do crave attention and acknowledgement.  Hell, this mantra is plastered within the over-sized heading situated at the top of the page:  I'm attempting to avoid oblivion, I'm trying to not be forgotten despite my unremarkable existence.

I sincerely wish a number of things, but here are two that are most relevant to this journal and its purpose:  (1) I wish I lived a life that truly warrants a chronicle of it and (2) I wish that my writing were more elegant and polished and that my words could convey what I mean to say.  Of course, my existence is what I make of it.  And, my writing will only improve by writing and reading.  I know that despite my rather mundane and trivial existence, entries (I am still deciding upon the correct terminology for this online journal) about those menial matters are far more interesting than entries like this one that rambles on.  Anyways, I simply had the desire to attempt to write something of more depth than my typical entry.

2.121

I believe I should finally publish something about my final day at Anime Weekend Atlanta.  Here it goes:

I checked out of my room at the Radisson at around 11:30 AM.  For breakfast, I finished the remaining chicken cordon bleu from the Marietta Diner--cold (since there are no microwaves in guest rooms).  PRO TIP:  Despite its name, the Marietta Diner's prices are not reminiscent of the typical diner--large portions but big prices. I arrived at the convention center around noon and subsequently, checked in for my "final" shift of the convention.  Supposedly, I was short a few hours of my minimum, which I agreed though the amount with which I was short was a point of contention.  And to my surprise, I was not working the autograph line.  Instead, I was sent to retrieve a walkie-talkie from Tech Ops, which was another surprise to me because I did not realize that I was authorized to carry one on my person.  I suppose being a returning member of staff automatically means you are qualified despite undergoing no training at all.  Anyways, my assignment was basically to go wherever assistance may be needed--there was none.  Eventually, my team (a couple) and I were dispatched over to the Galaxxxy / Neeko special event to manage the line (of about 20 people).  From there, the adventure began.  My team and I were sent to the Galleria Ballrooms to maintain lines and watch doors (if necessary).  Turns out, only one room required managing and this is where one of the greatest shortcomings of any all-volunteer operated conventions came to forefront.  So, at 2 PM Sunday, there was supposed to be a Sailor Moon panel presented by VIZ Media--no biggie, right?  Well, for some inexplicable reason, there was a line that formed outside of the entrance to the ballroom despite (1) the room being empty (the doors were closed so I did not know until I entered the room myself) and (2) AWA rarely clears panel room so in theory a person could squat in one room for an entire day if by chance everything they wanted to see took place in that room.  Anyways, upon entering the room I learn that the only people inside are a Tech Ops staffer setting up the sound system (though there were supposedly other panels in the room earlier in the day) and an Events staffer who informed me that the VIZ Media representatives had yet to appear and that she (or anyone else) was able to locate the panelists.  So, at her insistence since she was a representative from the responsible convention department, we kept the doors closed and the attendees out despite the previously mention facts and the fact that it was now 2 PM.  My crew and I managed the surprisingly growing line and did our best to keep them up to date with what was happening (though in truth, one of my guys was rather restless and I did not do much to mitigate his "restlessness").  2:15 PM arrives and still nothing and obviously, the attendees are getting restless, but the Events staffer, who is now alone in the room, only approaches the door to inform me that someone was supposed to bring her a charger cord for her phone--and that she was awaiting her contact at Events to update her.  2:25 arrives and the attendees are becoming frustrated so I make the decision to inform the Events staffer that we need to make a call on the panel--either let the attendees in or cancel it.  While we are having this discussing, in walks Stephanie Sheh (convention guest, VA for Sailor Moon in Sailor Moon Crystal) and she inquires about the status of the panel.  We fill her in on the situation and she gets to work on her mobile phone and in less than a minute she learns that (1) the VIZ representative that was suppose to present the panel was not even at AWA because she was ill and had been quarantined to her apartment and (2) the convention (or at least, its CEO) had known about the cancellation since the Tuesday prior to the start of the convention.  Way to communicate guys!  So, Stephanie asks about the crowd at which point I inform her that the mass of people she passed en route to the panel (that she was not even scheduled to be present at) was the crowd waiting for the panel.  And this prompts (this dear, sweet angel of a woman) to say that she could do an impromptu Q&A session for the crowd until her schedule autograph session.  Meanwhile, the poor Events staffer was clueless to what was happening because she did not even know who Stephanie Sheh was--she just informed her supervisors that someone name Stephanie Sheh was going to do a Q&A.  Anyways, the session happens and Sheh saves the day (I tweeted her personally thanking her for what she had done and she favorited it).  Of course, one would think that such a scenario could not possibly happen again and yet it did at the 3:30 PM Hetalia Panel.  Sadly, in this case, there was no gracious VA to save the day since it was supposed to be a fan panel and at the end of it (for me), the attendees were climbing onto the stage and the Events staffer simply let them run with it and at this decision; I was done with it and my shift.

After ending my shift at a little after 4 PM, I made my way into the dealers room for the first time as a simple attendee, but I was broke and nothing (fortunately) beckoned to me to buy it (though an actual Good Smile Company figure from the official GSC booth would have been nice).  So, the convention came to an official close at a little after 5 PM at which point my friend, another staffer and I decided to hang around for the Georgia Philharmonic concert.  Unfortunately, I made the stupid mistake of volunteering to help break down the Main Events room (what an idiot) and ended up not only missing the concert, but working until almost 8 PM despite having plans to meet up with another friend for dinner on my way home--I didn't even make it to Dead Dog.  So, there it is: my Sunday at AWA.  Overall, I did have a really great time and I look forward to it again in 2016 (if I'm in a position to make it back).  My only concern is the same concern I have every year:  communications--we simply do not talk to one another and that should not be the case given all of the technological advances we have.  Until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.120

So, I'm back (for now).  Obviously, I was away (again) trying to sort out some things in my own life. As of now, I'm still FUNemployed (in fact, I created a tumblr dedicated to it and I switched over a number of my social media account to reflect this fact) and the hunt has slightly slowed. I suppose the biggest issue from the past week has been the reemergence of my younger half-brother (who is now homeless and crashing on our couch after his crazy "mother-in-law" kicked he and his girlfriend out of the house they had been living in for the past couple of years).  To be honest, he is my half-brother and tolerate him, but his presence his been a serious downer for me and I'm not even sure why that's the case.  Regardless, it is and I have yet another issue with which I must now deal.

I'm writing today because I wanted to write something a bit more in depth than what I normally post on my FUNemployed Nerd tumblr.  But, what am I writing about today?  I don't know, but anything is better than nothing and nothing is what I have been doing a whole lot of lately.  I still find myself constantly reflecting upon a number of library-related things--things that I should not care about anymore--but I know that it's been past time to move on.  Yesterday, I went to first home game of the season for the Atlanta Gladiators minor league hockey club--they won!  And the week ahead looks as though it could be busy with a number of appointments, lunches and so forth--Monday I receive my last check from the library system and I hope this week I get a decision on UI benefits claim.

Along with the more serious matter at hand, I have been contemplating a number of things about how I can get things going in the self-improvement area.  I read a nice article (or post) off of Wil Wheaton's blog about how he reset his life and I can seriously relate to it.  I suppose a lot of it is similar to create goals or resolutions and making an effort to improve me and to learn to love me. In truth, this could lead to a whole series of post dedicated to this matter.  Also, I have been thinking about possibly moving this blog back to WordPress (I'm not sure why, but on occasion I get these urges plus it would be nice to refresh myself on WordPress).

I think this is all for now--there wasn't much in terms of substance, but it was good to write something more than a blurb caption for a GIF.  Until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.114

I'm filled with anxiety about tomorrow because I will finally have to break the news to my parents that I am once again unemployed.  Now, I know in the end my parents will have my back, but I also know that they (or at least, my father) will be disappointed (if not angered) by the news that I have lost my second job since graduating from college.  But, I cannot continue to hide this fact from them much longer and truthfully, I know that I should have told them the day I was terminated.  The truth of the matter is this:  I could sincerely give zero fucks about the library system that just fired me because the vast majority of the people employed there are cowardly idiots and I hope that the system experiences a significant decline again, but to disappoint my parents is something I absolutely dread because they have given so much and I have returned so little.  I have put on this facade of being fine with things (and in a way, I am) but I have been so anxious, so scared of my parents' response.  But, I have to let them know and then I will have to deal with the initial backlash and then I will have to move on as quickly as possible.

I hate disappointing my parents...almost to the point of being scared to disappoint them further because they deserve better than what I have given them. I'm sorry, but this is going to it for tonight and maybe for a while because I'm not feeling the awesome vibe right now.  FUCK YOU HALL COUNTY FOR BEING FILLED WITH SUCH PETTY AND TRAITOROUS CUNTS!

2.113

No, this is not the final day wrap up post for AWA 2015.  Instead, today's post will focus on some more personal matters.  If September was a fantastic month personally, then October could easily be considered a terrible month personally.  It could be--if I let it be, but I'm making the conscious decision to not let it be a terrible month.  I realize that optimism is not my "thing" but in the face of growing negativity, I'm making the decision to embrace a more idealistic approach to my life and it starts with becoming more comfortable with me.  If I can't love myself (get your head out of the gutter), then who can love me?  I have a lot going for me, but I know that there is still plenty to be improved upon and this is what I'm going to focus on from here on out.  How can I make a good me better?

Am I happy with myself?  I am, but there's always room for improvement.  I believe I heard this (or something similar) before:  "Don't strive to be perfect because perfection is finite--strive for beyond." I have a lot of things that I want to do that will aid in the process of becoming the better me that I can be.  But, the most important is to become comfortable and happy with me.  I realize that I'm not making a lot of sense right now and that's because I'm incredibly tired and one of the things that I would like improve about me is getting into a routine sleep schedule in which I can sleep for at least six straight hours a night.  And to aid in this process, I'm going to end this post and make my way to sleep.  So, until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.112

Sorry, but I will not be writing about my Sunday at Anime Weekend Atlanta 2015 today because something happened.  Now, I will admit that I am rather inconsistent with my publishing schedule, but I have been trying over the past week to be more consistent until yesterday.  And that is because I got terminated from my position at the library I worked at for almost three years (my anniversary would have been Monday).  So, I'm out of a job (or as I would like to say:  newly FUNemployed) and I have to reconsider the prospects of a career in libraries.  To be honest, I am taking it okay--trying to be positive.  I knew that I did not want to be in this particular system for too much longer, but even I did not expect my departure to come so soon or in the manner in which occurred.  But, despite my attempts to remain upbeat about the opportunities presented, I do want to take a moment to address a few things (i.e., I'm going on a rant--and this will be only rant I go on because to be frank, this system is not worth anymore of my precious time).

[rant]

So, I was fired.  Why was I fired?  Well, if you go by the "official" documentation, I was terminated because of:  (1) my ongoing "one-sided feud" with another supervisor, (2) spreading negativity about the technical services department among staff at other branches, (3) "unprofessional" response to changes not receiving my personal approval, and (4) abusing my responsibilities as the schedule make for my former department.

Let's take these one-by-one and then I will give you the real reason why I was terminated as I heard it straight former the horse's mouth:

(1) The feud.

I cannot respect anyone who does not deserve respect.  And I certainly cannot respect an individual that would hurt a friend much less two friends.  And I sure as hell cannot respect an individual that hurts my friends and makes $30,000 more than I do with absolutely zero qualifications for the position they hold.  So, when an individual like this crosses my path, then it should be reasonable to expect that I will have little respect for them.  But, when this individual not only does the previously mentioned things, cross my path and then has the audacity to try and shout me down in the near presence of patrons over an unnecessary staff badge photograph, then you as sure as hell believe that I will have not a damn bit of respect for them.  And yet, as a professional, I tolerated his presence even when the bastard attempted to rat me out multiple times to the system's director for being mean-spirited and rude, which I was not but if you attempt to initiate a system geared toward tracking employee computer usage and try to sell it as protect privacy and then, without permission, publish birthdays on the desktops of every staff computer in the system--you had better be prepared to remove my birthday when I request (in a non-aggressive, professional manner).  Of course, I have gone over this troll on a number of previous occasions in past posts--so, I will devote no further time on this matter.

(2) Tainting the masses

It is good to know that I carried so much influence among my former peers in the system that my words could taint their perception of an obviously incompetent technical services department.  I mean it would be good to know--if that were the actual case as opposed to it being the case that (1) the technical services department was remarkably inept, (2) the staff were witness to such ineptitude and (3) each of the individuals in which I shared conversations regarding our contempt for the department and its director had not already formed their own opinion on the department because you know?  They are adults.  But, no, that was not the case--at least, if you choose to believe what members of administrative staff have to say on the matter.

(3) Petulance to not getting my way

As I just alluded to previously, I am under the assumption that everyone employed in my former system are adults much like me.  And as adults, when things change, we like to know why things change.  And heaven forbid if the explanation of "because I said so" doesn't fly with me, especially, when it is the case that I have more than a few viable reasons for why certain things should not occur.  Contrary to the beliefs of administrative personnel, I do not oppose change--in fact, I relish in change--but what I do oppose is change for the sake of change, change without rationale, and change without being presented options.  For example, when the system decided to undergo the process of installing staff monitoring features on staff computers, I had my reservations about the issues of distrust and privacy, but then the administrative staff attempted to sell the conversion as a matter of convenience in that a staff could travel from branch to branch and still do what they normally would do at their home branch.  But, when the question of just how many members of staff would actually benefit from this service (the answer being less than five people out of staff of 50+ employees), the reasoning became a matter of privacy and security.  But, when the new setup was creating issues in the daily operation of staff utilizing shared systems and there response was to create generic departmental account with a single password for all such designated accounts, the staff, me included, began to wonder just how secure having such a generic work around would be.  The response from administrative personnel was silence and to throw more money into the inept department.  So, for all my inquiries and desires to have some rational explanation for the changes that were occurring, the response I received is that I was being childish and petulant because I wanted reasonable and honest answers.

But, this particular reason for my termination did not stem from these incidents alone.  No, I knew the exact incident being reference in this complaint and to be frank; I responded in the same manner that they had responded to my own serious inquiries.  The issue that is the root of this particular complaint has to do with the reorganization of the circulation desk in which the decision was made to move particular pieces around because the oh so inept technical services department could figure out a solution for installing their new Square device.  So, rather than work around the current setup that could have been easily remedied with an investment in a simple extension cord, the director of the technical services department convinced my former department supervisor to simply rearrange the desk without any consideration for the effects of such a move and the effects on the personnel that would be primarily responsible for making the adjustments--not the technical services department director and not the circulation department manager, but the late-60 year old facilities manager with benign prostate growth that needs to be removed.  These two also did not consider the possible congestion that would be created shifting one circulation station to right next to the children's computer stations nor did they consider the potential issues concerning the odors from the restrooms, but they managed to sell the idea to my fellow former staffers by feeding into their laziness and doing it while I was out fulfilling other duties that I had taken on.  The most ridiculous moment about this particular situation was that the newly appointed director of the system agreed with my assessment, but they still managed to feed her a line of horse manure and convince her to accept the changes because (and get used to this because it is going to become a prominent part of this discussion) administrative staff protects administrative staff (or admin protects admin).

(4) Abusing my authority

Truth be to told, this was the bit that angered me the most because it is complete bullshit.  In the recommendation for termination memo drafted by my former supervisor, she alleged that I was abusing my scheduling responsibilities. (#SMFH)  Really?  I abused my scheduling responsibilities because I scheduled myself to work more Saturdays than any other full-time staffer because they did not want to work on Saturdays?  I abused my scheduling responsibilities by giving up a medical leave day to two part-timers that waited until two weeks before to ask for the weekend off because one was going to Washington, D.C. with their boyfriend and the other was going to a country music concert the next day--a medical leave day that I would have used to take my three year old cousin to have a dental procedure involving anesthesia? I abused my scheduling responsibilities by always ensuring that there was always enough coverage for days I wanted to take off for myself--days that I only just recently started using because I just met my maximum threshold for annual leave accumulated?  At the end of the day, who was it that asked me to double check their schedules for errors?  Who was it that asked me to takeover this responsibility?  To be honest, it was this particular complaint that caused me to lose respect for my former supervisor because she had to know this was bullshit and still included because most likely, the individual responsible for my termination asked for her to give her more cause and like the good little minion--she obeyed because admin protects admin!

Now, let's get to the nitty-gritty of this rant and to the real reason why I was terminated from my position in the library.  I was terminated because I had the audacity to verbally oppose the director of the system and her new scheme to draw more patronage into the system by becoming a kinder, more forgiving library system and by kinder and more forgiving she meant that she wanted staff members at all levels to use their judgement to bend (or break) system policy--policy that is mandated by the state.  She wanted to improve our customer service by creating further issues for staff through the creation of exceptions and exemption because rewarding negative behavior can only have positive consequences, right?  I was terminated for telling her that I was uncomfortable with this mandate and that I could or would not go along with this new direction.  I was terminated because I made the comment that regardless of how menial or silly we believe a particular policy to be--the best course of action toward remedying this issue is not to subvert the policy and encourage deviance from enforcing it, but rather to seek to change the actual policy.  I was terminated because I made this stance in front of fellow and in front of her superior whom she had apparently convinced that this shift was a good thing.  But, all it said to me was that rather than supporting her staff for enforcing policy like our previous director would have done, she wants to create gray area simply to avoid confrontation and to appease a handful of entitled "friends" of the library that felt that because they were members of the "Friends of the Library" group they should be given special privileges like not paying fines or receiving additional renewals beyond the renewal limit.  Yes, I was terminated because the director is a small and petty person that could understand why someone could possibly ever think of voicing their opinion in opposition to her position.  Yes, I was "officially" terminated for all of these transgressions, but in reality, I was terminated because a petty admin got a sycophant admin to draft up these transgressions into a one-page memo.  But, I will tell you this:  I was sure as hell not terminated because of my work ethic or my customer service skills or my willingness to take on additional responsibilities while still being paid horribly.  I was fired because admin wanted to make a statement that to oppose the directives of the new director will not be tolerated and to remind people that admin only watches out for fellow admin and a huge FUCK YOU to the plebeians beneath them.

[/rant]

And there you have it!  I could have said much more, but I'm just ready to get it off my chest and to move on.  Hopefully, I'm quick to rebound--there is a position that I have in mind, but one can never be too sure about anything.  As for this situation and the individuals that crossed me, I'm done with it and you.  So, until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.110

I guess it would be best if I go ahead and finish my write-up of my experience at AWA.  So, Saturday... 

I spent my Saturday in the same manner as Friday--working the autograph lines.  But, unlike Friday, I assigned myself the task of autograph line end cap.  Basically, I took either a "Lines Start Here" sign or a "Do Not Enter" sign and situated myself at the back of the longest line at the time, which for Saturday was Stephanie Sheh and Christopher Sabat.  A funny thing occurred while serving in my newly created role for Christopher Sabat's line: 

A few minutes after the scheduled start of the signing session, the guest had yet to arrive and the line had been capped for almost an hour when a random individual approached me and asked about the line.  Instinctively, I replied (as I had dozens of times previously) that it was for Christopher Sabat and that it had already been capped--giving little notice to the individual that was inquiring.  Of course, the person asking was indeed Christopher Sabat and I felt ridiculous, but he took it in stride, I gave him a bro hug and he made his way to his position to begin the session.  Fortunately, the only ones that took notice were the small handful of people at the end of the line that I had become acquainted while we waited. 

Anyways, I spent about seven hours working the autograph area before I finally threw in the towel and called it quits for the day.  I returned to my hotel room with the intention of taking a "power" nap before heading back to catch up with my friend who worked the duration of my leave.  Of course, the nap ran long and that caused some grogginess, which did not help my commute back to the Galleria Centre.  I eventually caught up with my friend and we sort of just roamed the convention because (1) we weren't really on duty and (2) there was nothing we wanted to see or that we could get into anyways.

Now, the big event on Saturday is the "Dance" (don't call it a rave).  This kicked off about 10-ish and my friend and I thought we'd hang around and take in the scenes.  Eventually, he left the convention around midnight, which left me to linger around on my own for a little while.  I could have left with my friend, but I wanted to wait and see if anything jumped off like it did last year when someone pulled a fire alarm, which led to a full evacuation of the Renaissance Waverly.  And all of this occurred around midnight last year and that's why I hung around, but at about 1 AM I called it night because (1) I guess nothing was going to happen and (2) I was feeling hungry (I had only eaten a couple of hot dogs) and I wanted to make my yearly pilgrimage to the Marietta Diner (probably, the most expensive diner I have been to).  I got back to my room around 2:30 AM and was just relaxing when I noticed a Facebook post from AWA that fifth-floor fire alarm had been set off by someone smoking in their room--I had missed the excitement again.  And this was not even the most interesting part of the evening, within the comments of that thread, it was noted that the dance was abandoned early due to a gas leak.  Seriously, I miss all of the excitement. 

Well, I think that's all for now. Until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.109

I'm not quite sure how to approach my write-up of Anime Weekend Atlanta (AWA) because I did not actually get to do anything at the convention aside from assigned responsibilities as a volunteer.  I did not attend any panels (aside from the panels in which I had badge check duty), watch any concerts, or browse the dealers room (aside for the final half-hour before the convention ended).  In fact, all I did during the convention was check for badges and organize lines for autographs or events.  If one were to look at my time at AWA from an outside perspective, then one could easily be led to believe that I had a miserable time and they would be wrong.  Yes, my feet hurt at the end of each shift and I was wary of the drive from the convention center to my hotel and the persistent rain showers put a massive damper upon the vibe of the convention (I'm speaking from an environmental perspective not a participatory perspective), but I do sincerely enjoy working at a convention that has given me so much joy over the years.  Of course, this isn't to say that there are not negative aspects to my overall experience, but the positives certainly outnumber the negatives. 

For example, the feeling one gets from being recognized by peers that you may only see less than a handful of times a year.  Sure, there are fellow staffers that have been in Panda Ops/Support for as long (if not longer than) as myself that I am unable to recall their names (and that is more than understandable given the infrequency with which we socialize), but when a fellow staffer does remember you; it gives me great joy.  Like on Friday when I first arrived at the convention, I had just retrieved my badge and upon arriving at our departmental office (which we had to share with Public Safety); I was warmly greeted and immediately assigned to the autograph lines despite having not undergone any of the "necessary" training.  But, the supervisors remembered me from my previous years of volunteering and knew that I was capable of helping (also, the line was severely understaffed and there was nothing else to do).  So, I spent my first five hours of the convention working the autograph lines.  Now, I could go into a few of the things that I perceived as could have been handled better in terms of man management and organization, but I'm going to maintain a positive tone for this post (at least in regards to AWA). 

Beyond the confines of the convention, I found myself staying at hotel about five miles away in a rather interesting neighborhood.  I would not say that it was bad neighborhood, but the hotel was roads leading toward the hotel were not well-maintained and there was a club located across the street.  But, the room was reasonably priced and considering I waited until the day of the convention to book the room, what right do I have to complain?  The commute back and forth between the convention center and hotel was made miserable by the consistent rain that fell throughout the course of the weekend--if it had been a dry weekend, then it might have been a more pleasant experience. 

My initial stay at my hotel did not last long as I was soon back at AWA to meet with a friend of mine that was volunteering for the first time and to work another shift since I did not work the day before during AWA's now official first day: Thursday.  When I arrived back at AWA, my friend and I were separated--it happens--and I was off to work the line for Totally Lame Anime, which had built up due to the previous event running behind by about an hour.  Despite the negative perceptions held about line control, it's not that bad--the attendees are generally very cooperative and understanding.  Though I am still slightly confused as to why such a line would exist anyways given the fact that rooms are rarely cleared at AWA--those waiting could have simply entered the room, listened to some Japanese musicians and been seated for Totally Lame Anime. Eventually, the line was dispersed into the room and I was onto my next assignment, which was organizing the line for yet another autograph session, but this time I was joined by my friend and this helped passed the time. 

I'm beginning to realize that this may be longer than I had initially anticipated.  So, I'm going to stop here for now since all I did after the evening Heidi and Universe autograph line was go off duty and walk around for a few minutes before calling it a night because I was exhausted.  I will hopefully be back tomorrow with another post about AWA.  Until then, take care and DFTBA!

2.108

So, I was going to publish a post about my experience at Anime Weekend Atlanta, but I changed my mind because today was Staff Development Day at the library.  In years past, Staff Development Day featured a theme--at the last Staff Development Day, the theme was country (it was originally going to by "Duck Dynasty", but the idea of celebrating a group of homophobic bumpkins turned out to be a rather terrible idea)--but this Staff Development Day did not have an official theme assigned to it.  But, if one were to observe the events of the day from an outside perspective, then one could easily make the assumption that the unofficial theme of this year's Staff Development Day was:  "Screw the rules, we're here to appease everyone!"

In the months since the library system's leadership transition and in the weeks leading toward today, I had started to feel this vibe about an ongoing shift in attitude toward patron service, but today confirmed it.  From here on, whenever a situation becomes to burdensome and difficult to handle, staff within the system will simply give up on enforcing policy and just appease the ill-behaved and unruly patron without concern about any potential ramifications in the future.  Of course, I find this to be complete and utter rubbish (or to put it more bluntly, it's bullshit) because such actions further complicate an already, at-times difficult position.  I'm of the simple belief that creating exceptions or gray areas only creates difficulties for personnel down the line and rewards negative behavior.

Providing good customer service does not have to come at the expense of subverting set policies or procedures.  If the primary concern of the board of trustees and administrative personnel is increasing patronage, then there are far better and more effective methods of encouraging library usage rather than bending the rules to appease patrons.  This approach to customer service is not beneficial to anyone aside from those individuals who have purposeful malice intent toward the system and its mission.  Sure, this bending-over-backwards approach my encourage this disingenuous patron to return to the system, but is this the sort of patronage one really wants?  By taking this approach, you are rewarding negative behavior and spitting in the face of patrons that abide by policy and take personal responsibility for their errors.  Rather than reward the negative behavior, the system should look for ways to reward the positive behavior and to encourage those negative patrons to become positive patrons.

Of course, the catalyst for today's "customer service" training is because these negative patrons tend to also be the most vocal patrons--why voice an opinion when thing are done correctly--and their complaints (as one-sided as they most likely were) fell upon the ears of a brand new system director and board of library trustees chairman that are looking to make their mark on the system.  Now, I will be the first to admit that we, as staffer, aren't at times at fault, but we own our errors and we take responsibility for our errors.  My job as a responsible employee of the library system is work with patrons to create the best possible experience within the groundwork laid forth by the policies set by the Georgia Public Library Service and the Board of Library Trustees and I take this responsibility seriously, but I will admit that there are moments of frustration and irritation and I work as best I can to remain calm and respectful toward the patron.

Another point of contention I had with today's training was the notion that because a policy is deemed to be "pointless" or "silly" that means we should subvert it and deviate in enforcing the policy and to me, that is absurd.  A policy is typically created in response to some action deemed inappropriate by a governing entity.  Now, I'm not saying that all policies are created with sound logic behind them and in those cases it's not our job to merely reject the policy, but to work to change the policy so that it comes in tune with a more reasonable rationale.

Honestly, all of this is insanity and more cause for lost faith in this system.  I used to want this system to succeed, but given the recent decision making; I've become numb to it and am simply biding my time until I can finally escape.

2.107

I may have cheated on my previous post.  Yes, I may have written the post earlier in the day, but I did not actually publish the post until slightly past midnight despite the 23:30 time stamp.  So, because of this deception, I decided I would go ahead and draft another post now (approximately 00:10)--here I go:

(1) Gutted.  I am simply gutted by the result of the CONCACAF Cup match between the United States and Mexico.  Conceding the match-winning goal in the 118th minute of the match is a truly gut-wrenching manner to lose a match, especially a match where the United States had come from a goal down twice.

(2) Satisfied.  The Martian is a fantastic film.  Sure, there were several details that were left out of the film from the book that inspired the film, but Ridley Scott managed to capture the essence of the book within a 141-minute time frame.  I may write up a more detailed review of the film at another date (though probably not), but I highly recommend the film.

(3) It's coming!  I promise that I will draft a post (or series of posts) about this year's Anime Weekend Atlanta outing.  Unfortunately, there will be no photographs included since I did not take any photographs, but it should still be a solid write up though it may not be that good of a read.

Anyways, that's all I have for now.  Until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.106

I like working on Saturdays.  The atmosphere at the library is much more relaxed (as I draft this post, I'm wearing my convention staff tee shirt from Anime Weekend Atlanta as oppose to a collared shirt), the pace is slower (the average number of patrons on Saturdays is far smaller than compared to regular workdays), and our responsibilities are greatly limited in comparison to other days in the week due to the limited number of staff available.  Another positive about working on Saturdays is that I don't have to work one day during the regular work week and that means I'm not surrounded by individuals that cause me stress. 

Perhaps, the lone negative to working on Saturdays is if Manchester United has a match scheduled for Saturday.  Fortunately, there is no Manchester United match scheduled today because of the FIFA international break.  But, if I'm being honest, working Saturdays isn't as great an obstacle to viewing Manchester United matches as one would think since NBC Sports offers free online streaming of Barclays Premier League matches.  Aside from this minor issue, Saturdays are the best, especially since the vast majority of our patrons are still clueless to the fact that we have extended our hours until 4 PM. 

[tangent] I know that I tend to ramble on about mundane things in my posts and that's typically because I'm incapable of forming coherent thoughts about a particular subject for long durations of time.  Of course, this doesn't mean that I'm entirely void of meaningful thought--it's just rare that I'm capable of putting the thoughts into a readable written format.[/tangent] 

2.105

So, I thought that I'd try something a bit different today. Rather than wait until the end of the day to post an update or draft a post and schedule it to post early the next day, I thought I'd draft a post now, a few minutes after having awakened, and see how it goes.  I'm able to do this because (1) no one else is at home and (2) I managed to work my way into being able to arriving at work later.  The obvious downside to posting so early in the morning (so early for me) is that I haven't done anything aside from sleep, but to be truthful, it's not as though I do anything particularly exciting during the course of the day anyways.  I suppose I could write about things that happened the day before or on subjects of interest to me, but I haven't quite figured it out yet and because of this; you get this--a single-sided, internal exposition on what I should discuss and how I'm going out of my way to post this update despite my already sporadic posting schedule.

This is how I work.  I do enjoy hearing myself speak and reading the words I type though I typically delete the words after I find them to be unsatisfactory to my own standards, but not in this particular scenario because I'm streaming my consciousness for the next few minutes until I begin preparing for the day.

I know I say this time and time again, but I really want to become more consistent in my posting schedule as well as come up with interesting things to post about on here.  Sadly, I'm an incredibly lazy person that has ridiculous standard for how a quality post should read and what a quality post should look like (I often struggle with simple things like whether to use the word "post" or "update").

On one hand, the purpose of this journal (or blog or site--again, the internal First World struggles are real) is to be a daily chronicle of my life--what I did, who I saw, how I felt, why I did, see and felt the way I did, etc.)--like an actual journal (or diary).  Yet, I want to do other things like write reviews despite have little to no knowledge on the technical aspects of producing a film (or movie), writing a book (though most likely it will be a graphic novel), or composing music (okay, I really don't listen to much music and I've only been to a handful of actual concerts outside of the ones held at conventions).  I would also love to write about politics because I have a background in it, but I have never been particularly verbal about my political beliefs because I'm terrible at public discourse--I lose my train of thought, I forget important points, and I tend to become too emotional thus losing the objective, logical perspective with which I strive to achieve.)

Well, I've rambled right up to my self-imposed time limit.  Until next time, take care and DFTBA!

2.104

I'm tired--I'm always tired.  Perhaps, it is because I am dehydrated. Or, it is because I overexert myself throughout the course of the day.  But, if I'm honest with myself, I believe it is because I have to deal with so much bullshit throughout the day.  I wanted to post something about my time at Anime Weekend Atlanta, but I feel as though I could not do it justice if I wrote while being in this position.  Instead, I wanted to briefly say that all of my major events and outings for the year are finished.  I may from time to time participate in some exciting adventures between now and the close of the year, but I am done and I am trying to regain my footing.  Here's hoping for peaceful and inexpensive close to this year.

2.90: Prepping for Closure

I find it funny that whenever I sit down to compose an update, I start to become tired.  And what makes the situation even more humorous is that it is just 7:30 PM.  Regardless, I am going to work my way through this sudden sluggishness to draft a post before I leave for Anime Weekend Atlanta tomorrow.

As I just stated, this weekend is AWA and for me, this will be my ninth year of attending the Southeast’s largest anime convention.  This weekend also marks to close of an extraordinary month that started with Labor Day weekend at North America’s largest science-fiction/fantasy convention, Dragon Con.

On one hand, the end of this month will relieve a significant strain on my wallet because spending hundreds of dollars on hotel rooms, food, and travel is incredibly damaging on my salary.  But, on the other hand, the close of September means that I am left with only my meager existence to look towards.

I know that I said I wanted to make a change for the better, but I understand that it is going to take some time and the path to personal happiness is cluttered with various obstructions.  Now, this does not mean that I will not make the effort; it simply means that I am going to have to be patient with myself.

Of course, the end of September/summer does not mean I will simply go into hibernation for the remainder of the year; there is still much to be done.  What it does mean is that I have begin planning for next September.  There are individuals that like to say that they prefer to live in the present and are unable to plan ahead.

Well, I do not work in this way.  I have to plan ahead to properly prepare myself because (1) I need some semblance of control of the situation and (2) it means that I will actually be able to go through with my plans.  Of course, in choosing this manner of living, I have slowly learned that nothing will go according to plan and to accept that randomness is a part of our lives regardless.

Anyways, I still have much to prepare in order to ensure that AWA goes as smoothly as possible and that I close out this period of the year with something entertaining and fun.

2.89: Autumn's Arrival

Fall is here and with its arrival, comes change.  Throughout the area, the once lush green hilltops and mountainsides have been overtaken by a sea of orange, red, and yellow.  And personally, the changing of seasons will, hopefully, signify changes within my own reality.  The upcoming weekend marks the conclusion of whirlwind month of activities that have depleted my financial coffers and left me with an increased sense of urgency about ascertaining a new position that pays better than my current position.  Of course, all of this will need to wait until the end of the weekend as I have plans for one final blowout to close out one of the few good months of the past nine months.

Now, I realize that there has been some time since my previous post, but I’m hoping to become more engaged and productive.  If one were to check out one of my other projects, one would notice that I have more productive in comparison.  Regardless, the homestretch of 2015 is upon us and I want to do my best to ensure that I close it out on a positive note.  I also realize that the past few months of posts have carried a generally pessimistic outlook and perspective, but that is because I have struggled through the first nine months of this year.  From terrible coworkers to fiscal issues, the year has not been kind to me.

But, I am working to change this.

2.67

So, De Gea to Real Madrid fell through because Madrid failed to submit the proper paperwork before the Spanish league transfer deadline.  That is FUCKING HILARIOUS!  So, De Gea remains at Old Trafford for the remainder the season and then he is off to Madrid on a free transfer--well, that sucks.  But, I stand by my position from a few weeks ago:  let him rot in the stands.  Now, I have heard a number of pundits say that this is terrible for United and that they need to play De Gea (especially, given Romero's performance against Swansea this past weekend), but the reality of the matter is this:  United don't have to do shit!  No, single player is greater than the club and that is especially the case with a club as great as United.  Let De Gea rot or force him to sign an extension with a massive release clause--now, that would be fucking genius.  I saw it suggested on Republik of Mancunia's Twitter feed and I think it's bloody brilliant.  If De Gea wishes to see any playing time this campaign, especially, considering the upcoming EURO 2016 tournament, then force him to sign a new extension and include a massive release clause.  Seriously stick it to Real Madrid and their smug we can buy any player we wish to buy attitude--oh, they can buy De Gea next summer for a price of United's choosing or they can sign De Gea on a free transfer (assuming that they have not received a transfer ban similar to Barcelona) after he has rotted in the stands for an entire season.  Sure, a goalkeeper of his standard should be able to regain his footing eventually, but watching him regain his footing should make for a good time.  And for the pundits that say that United can't simply keep paying De Gea his wages while having him not play, I ask:  Why the fuck not?  We paid Falcao, we paid Di Maria, and we just paid $70+ million for a 19 year old--so, what would keep United from doing the same with De Gea?

I'm bitter about this whole situation, but it is nice to think about what should happen know that it will not happen.

2.65

A couple of weeks have past since my last update and thought I would share with you, my nonexistent readers, some of what has been (or is) happening since the last time I posted:

I am a powerless Hulk!

I have all of the angst and rage of the Hulk, but none of the power to actually do anything about it.  I am an angry person--I have always been short-tempered and ill-willed, but the last few months have tested my restraint in ways not before experienced.  Initially, all of my animosity was geared toward a handful of ignorant motherfuckers that I know are ruining the library system with which I am currently employed.  And, for a while, I felt that I could be someone that could represent the voices of the employees being fucked over by an incompetent administration, but then I realized that I was a single voice among cowardly silence.  Oh, people talk a lot of shit and people will tell you that they have your back, but then, when it is time to act; they are nowhere to be seen or heard.  I honestly do not care if I am on an island on my own because I have always been a bit of a loner, but I refuse to fight for those that do not wish to fight for themselves and would rather have bullshit shoved into their rectum time and time again.  As of now, I am pissed at just about everyone at the branch I work at because the vast majority of them are two-faced, yellow-bellied pieces of worthless manure and it is come to a point where I have to actually remind myself on a nearly daily basis to:  GIVE ZERO FUCKS and worry about no one in the library system except my boys (Billy and Brian).

I have to find a way out of here!

It is a difficult truth that if I am ever going to be happy again working in a library then it will need to be in another system because this system is heading toward an iceberg (assuming global warming doesn't melt it first) and it is the Titanic.  I'll admit it, I love being a librarian, excuse me, a library staffer, but I hate where I work.  There are a number of interesting employment opportunities that have arisen over the past couple of months and I would be a fool not to pursue them despite my personal reservations and discomforts.

Dragon Con is upon us!

One reason (aside personal laziness) that I haven't been posting as frequently on here is that I have been posting more often at a blog that I set up for a couple of coworkers and I chronicling our preparations for Dragon Con.  It's called Librarians Versus Dragon Con and you can find it at: librariansvsdragoncon.blogspot.com.

Well, that's it for now.  I have plenty of other items to vent about, but I'll hold off since I've rambled on long enough.  Till next time, DFTBA!