Warning: Use These 5 Tips at Your Own Risk
1) DON'T brush your teeth at least twice a day
2) PAY for college tuition with a credit card
3) TAKE OUT a private student loan
4) LISTEN to They
5) ACCEPT life advice from Snapchatting hip-hop moguls
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The benefits of... sexual intercourse
I would not know because I have not had sex in a very long time. But, I am a firm believer that a number of great tragedies could have been averted if only the perpetrators of these tragedies were able to have sex.
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The Cheater's Guide to... ruining a friendship by sleeping with your friend's wife.
1) Find a friend
2) Make sure your friend has an attractive (and sex-crazed) spouse
3) Fuck the spouse while your friend is at work
4) Regret your decision despite how good the sex felt
5) Respond to your regret by cutting your ex-friend (and their spouse) out of your life
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Sorry for the half-assed column and the terrible jokes but I am feeling rather poor at the moment and I needed to draft this column now or I may not have a chance to draft it later today.
