I am desperate.
In fact, I was so desperate that prior to writing this post, I was writing a desperate plea seeking “divine intervention” from whatever divine entity that would grant my request to be offered the position I interviewed for on Monday.
But, I stopped myself.
I stopped myself because (1) I know that it would be pointless, (2) I was creating an excuse (albeit, an implausible and ridiculous excuse), and (3) I was entering into the mindset that I am incapable of achieving goals on my own (i.e., I was devaluing myself).
If you could not figure it out, I struggle with issues of confidence, esteem, and self-image. It is a problem that has plagued me my entire life and it is an issue that I must contend with on a daily basis.
I know that I am more than capable of not only filling the position I interviewed for on Monday but excelling at the position. And yet, I find myself constantly short-changing myself and tapering expectations because of my previous failures.
I have to remind myself that I did my best and if I am not offered the position, then it is their loss. And I have to remind myself that there is a lesson in everything—successes and failures—and that one must always keep learning.
I know that there will be moments when I am overcome with anxiety and doubt, but during these moments; I have to remember that I am better today than I was yesterday and that I will be better tomorrow than I am today.
I made a commitment to be a better person this year and the years to come and while I will falter and be tripped up by hurdles, I can only move in one direction: FORWARD! I do not need “divine intervention” because everything I need is in me and what I lack today can be learned tomorrow.
Now, I am not attempting to degrade the individuals of faith that pray for divine intervention because if it gives them solace; who am I to judge? Personally, I must learn to find solace from not only myself but from the experiences I encounter every single day.
DFTBA
